Muggle Studies
by SiRiUsLyPiNkaNdGrEeN
Summary: There's a good reason the Marauders were the last year to go on field trips in Muggle Studies. James, Sirius, & Marlene drive Remus, Lily, & the professor bonkers with their complete lack of knowledge of the Muggle world! By: do i need a pen name & An-Jelly-Ca
1. New Classes and Future Fieldtrips

**A/N Hello, to our lovely readers! Hopefully we havwe all our regular readers as well as some new ones. This is the first story authored under this collaboration of the brilliant minds of do I need a pen name and An-Jelly-Ca. Read and Review.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing...Well, actually, we do own at least 4 Harry Potter games, 10 Harry Potter Movies, 16 Harry Potter books, 3 Harry Potter T-Shirts, 2 Harry Potter posters, 1 Harry Potter Sticker Book, 3 Harry Potter Video Gamest, 2 Harry Potter Computer Games, 1 Harry Potter Potion-Making kit, too many harry Potter action figures to count, and much more...and no, we are not obsessed. Not at all. Because sadly, we own no rights to Harry Potter. Just a bunch of paraphanelia.**

**Muggle Studies**

**Chapter One-New Classes and Future Fieldtrips**

_Flashback_

"_So, what classes do you want to take next year?" Thirteen year old Lily Evans asked her friend Remus. _

"_I'm taking whatever classes you're taking my dear Lilyflower." James assured Lily. _

"_I was talking to Remus, Potter." Lily replied scathingly. _

"_I'm so glad that they changed the amount of classes we can take; now I can take Ancient Runes and Arithmancy and Muggle Studies…"_

"_Oh, I know I'm so excited about Muggle Studies, I think it's just fascinating to study Muggles from a wizarding perspective." Lily said in an excited tone. _

"_Muggle Studies sounds interesting!" James said in what was clearly a poor attempt to get Lily to acknowledge him._

"_You just want to stalk Evans." Sirius said with a grin._

"_So?" James replied._

"_Don't make me get a restraining order, Potter."_

"_A what?"_

"_I bet it's some muggle thing."_

"_You two really do need Muggle Studies." Remus said in an exasperated tone._

"_Exactly, and with the knowledge I will gain, I will finally understand what my dear Lilyflower says about me." James concluded._

"**My. Name. Is. Lily.**_" Lily said, pressing her lips together in a frown and glaring at James. "And never call me your 'dear' again."_

"_So, what classes are you taking?" Remus cut in quickly, his eyes shining just a little too brightly and acting just a bit too excited about school._

_Lily shrugged. "Same as you. I really don't fancy taking Care of Magical Creatures. And I hear Kettleburn is crazy."_

_James sighed when she said this. "That's a shame, I really wanted to take that class."_

"_Then why don't you do that?" Lily suggested. "I'll take Muggle Studies and you take Care of Magical Creatures."_

"_Never!" James exclaimed. "What would you do without me? You need me in your classes to brighten your sad, sad, sad scholarly life."_

_Remus frowned slightly when James said that._

"_Hey, isn't that what you told me last week?"_

"_Your point?"_

"_Yeah, Moony, you'll still have us to brighten your sad, sad scholarly life, too." Sirius chimed in._

"_That was __**not**__ the point."_

"_Just ignore them, Remus." Lily said, grabbing the boy's arm as she spoke. "Come on, let's go to the library and talk about our classes."_

_James and Sirius just looked at the two of them strangely as they walked away._

"_Wait!" James yelled when Lily and Remus were almost out of the Great Hall. "Since when was there a Library here?"_

_End Flashback_

"Ugh, remind me again why we're still in Potions?" James questioned.

"Because _I _like potions, and _you _refuse to stop stalking me." Lily informed her boyfriend in a teasing tone.

"Oh. Okay. But did it have to be first thing for a double period _every_ Monday?"

"Apparently, since that's what it's been for the past _six years_."

"Do you hear how mean she is to me?" James complained.

"Says the boy who stalked her for six years." Remus muttered from behind his newspaper.

"What're you implying, Moony?"

"I feel ignored." Sirius broke in.

"Every conversation doesn't need to revolve around you, Sirius."

"Yes, they do!" Sirius exclaimed crossing his arms childishly with a pouty face.

"Did you guys get the list of field trips for Muggle Studies?" Lily asked interrupting the argument between Sirius and Remus.

"List? What List?" Sirius asked. "I see no list."

"The sheet of paper right on the top of your time table, which says 'List of Muggle Studies Fieldtrips.'" Remus informed his friend in an exasperated voice without looking up from his newspaper.

"How'd he see that from behind his paper?" Sirius stage whispered to James.

"He can obviously see through things!" James said as though this were the most obvious conclusion in the world.

Remus finally lowered his morning edition of the _Daily Prophet_ long enough to exchange a pained look with Lily.

"What's 'Build-A-Bear Workshop?'" Sirius asked, interrupting Remus and Lily from their silent discussion about the insanity of their 'acquaintances.'

"I love that place!" Lily squealed. "It's so much fun. You get to build a bear."

"Does it eat you?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"No, Sirius." James said. Remus and Lily looked at him hopefully, thinking he finally knew what he was talking about. "It teaches you how to have a second animagus form."

Alas, they were wrong.

"No…" Lily said slowly. "You build a stuffed animal."

"Does it move?" Sirius asked.

"No." Lily replied.

"Why not?" Sirius complained. "My teddy bears move."

Lily looked at Sirius as if he were crazy, not that this was a new occurrence.

"You have a stuffed teddy bear?" James sniggered.

"Shut up, James." Sirius shot back. "You have a stuffed _goose_."

"Well still, this Build-a-Bear place sounds interesting." Remus cut in. "We'll be able to learn all about the inner-workings of Muggle Toy Shops."

"I LOVE toy shops!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Only you, Sirius." Remus muttered, picking his newspaper up once more. "Only you."

"Why, thank you, Remus."

"That wasn't a compliment, mate." James informed his friend.

"Well, I'm going to pretend it was." Sirius said defiantly.

Lily glanced surreptisiously at James and Sirius, then leaned in closer to Remus so that her face was hidden behind his paper.

"Those field trips are going to be a disaster with the two of them." She whispered.

Remus glanced at them over the top of the paper and nodded quickly. Then he glanced down at his watch and his eyes widened at the time.

"Oh no, we only have ten minutes to get to Potions!" He said, looking worried.

Lily gasped. "What if we don't get the best cauldrons?! Everyone get up. We're leaving!"

In the bustle of the group of four getting up from the table, Sirius didn't notice that he left behind his list of field trips.

**List of Muggle Studies Field Trips for Seventh Years**

**September 14****th ****- Build-A-Bear Workshop**

**October 12****th****- Bowling **

**November 9****th****-Amusement Park **

**December 14****th****- Mall**

**January 11****th****- Ice Skating**

**February 8****th****- Museum/Art Gallery**

**March 14****th****-Muggle High School**

**April 11****th****- Bakery **

**May 9****th****- Power Plant**

**June 13****th****- Football (Soccer) Match**


	2. Bus Ride Adventures

**A/N-Hello and Welcome to Chapter Two of Muggle Studies. Hopefully we're getting some new readers this chapter, and hopefully you all continue to review. We hope you like the new chapter. Please review!**

**Thanks to all reviewers from Chapter One! We love all of you! Except for you, over there, in the second row, with the bowler hat. Yeah, you, the one who didn't review. We're not so fond of _you_...But as for everyone else _cough_six reviewers_cough_ we do love you.**

**a/n2-just so you all know, the new beginning of Ch. 2 is an addition to what was originally posted. We, and a few reviewers, felt the situation wasn't explained well enough.**

**Disclaimer-After the last chapter, we realized that we owned much more paraphanelia then we mentioned. But sadly, we still have no rights to character/plot/anything else relating to Harry Potter that is trademarked/copyrighted by people who are clearly not us, because we're too young, not British, and quite poor. Enjoy the chapter.**

**Chapter Two-Bus Ride Adventures**

On the morning of Friday, September 14th the seventh year Muggle Studies class woke bright and early to the morning sunshine streaming in their windows. After a hurried early breakfast, the group of students proceeded to the Hogsmeade Train Station, where they would be taking the Hogwarts Express back to Kings Cross, in order to partake in their first journey out into the Muggle world.

Everything had been going fine; the train ride had been quite peaceful, and walking through the Muggle train station had taken just a short amount time and had passed with little incident. But it was when the class had exited the train station and where about to climb on to the Double-Decker bus, which would take them to Build-A-Bear Workshop, that things went horribly wrong...

"What happened to the Knight Bus?" Sirius demanded, looking absolutely horrified. "It's _red_! And it's supposed to be purple. And what happened to the third floor? And where are all the beds? And _you_!" Sirius pointed his finger in the bus driver's face. "Who are you and what have you done with Ernie. You kidnapped him, painted his bus, got rid of the comfy beds and squishy chairs, and you thought I wouldn't notice?"

"Sirius." Lily said slowly. "Calm down. This is a _muggle_ bus."

"Get him to the back." Hissed the professor.

Sirius gasped, his attention diverted.

"I wanna go to the top!' He whined like a three-year-old about to throw a tantrum.

"_Fine_." The professor said, looking harried. "Take him to the top. You, Mr. Lupin, help Ms. Evans." She opened her mouth to say something else, but stopped dead when she saw the three students in front of her. "Where is Mr. Potter?" She asked slowly, trying not to panic.

"I haven't seen him since we got off at Kings Cross." Sirius said happily as Remus led him away.

"Oh, great." The professor muttered. "Lose the heir to a prominent pure blood family, with no knowledge of the Muggle world, in the heart of Muggle London. Yeah, _that's _gonna go over well with the Ministry."

"Erm…Professor?" Lily asked timidly. "He's right there."

"I don't have time for that now, Ms. Evans, I have to find Mr. Potter!" Their professor said, looking slightly crazed now.

"But Professor," Lily began as the professor began to walk away at such a fast pace she was practically running, "He's right there!"

The professor stopped in her tracks, and spun on her heel to face Lily.

"Where?" She demanded. "Where is he?"

"There!" Sirius said, still sounding deliriously happy and clapping his hands with excitement, while looking at Lily and the professor while hanging upside down from the second floor of the bus. "There's Jamsie. He's hanging from the bus! Ooh, that looks like fun!" He exclaimed. "Can I go next? Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? HUH?" Sirius all but shouted tugging on the teacher's sleeve.

"Sirius, behave." Remus ordered absently as he stared in horror at his other (idiot) friend who was dangling off the roof of the Double Decker bus.

"Aren't you going to stop the bus?" Lily asked the driver, looking worriedly at her boyfriend.

The driver just looked at her strangely.

"What kind of school are you people from?" He demanded. "First that black-haired kid accused me of kidnapping some guy named Ernie, and then you want me to stop a bus that isn't even moving?"

"We're from a _special_ school." Sirius said proudly.

"Someone get him in here!" The professor shouted. "Hurry! I don't want to get sued!"

"I'll get him, Professor." Remus said quickly.

"No!" Sirius shouted. "I wanna get him."

"You can't get him, Sirius." Lily stated. "We actually want to get him back down here. We _don't_ want for both of you to be up there."

"Yes." Their professor agreed. "And I also don't want the deaths of two prominent pureblood heirs on my hands. I might get sued twice!"

"Don't worry about that." Sirius said, waving his hand dismissively. "My mum won't care if I die. Then Regulus will be heir to the Black fortune. It's what she's always wanted."

"But remember, Sirius," Remus began, "Mr. and Mrs. Potter actually do like you. And, now that I think about it, they probably like James, too. Of course, they probably like you better than him, but still…it's the thought that counts."

"Yeah." Sirius agreed. "And you know, you're parents like me better than you, too."

"They do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"If it makes you feel any better Remus, my parents like him better then me as well. I think it's the whole My-Parents-Are-Psychotic-Purebloods-And-They-Hate-Me-Thing combined with the I've-Never-Been-Loved-Thing with a healthy does of puppy dog eyes." Lily cut in. "And now if you're quite done can you kindly get my boyfriend DOWN before he falls and kills himself?" She asked in a dangerously high pitched shriek. Remus nodded looking scared and hurried to the back of the bus. He ascended the stair case to the roof of the Double Decker bus.

"A little help, please!" James exclaimed upon spotting his friend. Remus shook his head wryly and offered his hand to James. He easily pulled the other wizard up onto the roof, it was times like these that he was glad for his werewolf strength.

Once Remus had brought James safely back down to the first floor of the bus, their professor sighed with relief, and collapsed into the seat located conveniently behind her.

"You." She pointed a finger at the bus driver, who looked a bit edgy. "Start driving." As the bus finally pulled away from in front of Kings Cross Station, she sighed again. "What was I thinking…planning all of those field trips for _this_ class? Oh, I'm going to need _so much _therapy before this year is through." Her eyes were about to shut peacefully, when a strangled yell sounded from behind her. "Lupin! Take Potter and Black upstairs! And keep them away from any muggles!"

"But, Professor," James protested as Remus, helped by Lily, pulled him and Sirius up the stairs. "I thought this was supposed to be a Muggle Outreach Program…"

**A/N-REVIEW!**


	3. Using the Buddy System

**A/N-as you might have noticed, we are on strict updating schedule. We update every six weeks, give or take four months.**

**Thanks to all of our fabulous reviewers! Except for you two, in the back. Yeah you. The person with a bowler hat and his friend, the girl with the purple pants. Why haven't you reviewed yet?! Everyone else, though, keep up the good work.**

**Disclaimer-We have devised a brilliant scavenger hunt to send you on to find the answer to what goes here. However, it is still in the 'planning stage' so you'll have to wait a while to find out whether or not we really are a middle-aged billionaire living in Scotland. But…considering there are two of us, we live nowhere near Britain, and we happen to be in high school, I think it is pretty safe to say you already know the answer. Hey, this disclaimer is longer than our author's note, and well on it's way to being longer than this chapter. Happy reading!**

**Chapter Three-Using the Buddy System**

"Now class," The professor began, looking sternly at the class, more specifically the two boys standing at the back of the group. "Let's go over the rules. James, Sirius, do you remember the 'buddy system' we talked about in class?"

"Ooh…can James be my buddy?" Sirius asked, hopping up and down excitedly.

"NO!" The professor said quickly, her eyes wide with fear. "James, your partner is going to be Lily. Stay with her at ALL times." She turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, do not let him out of your sight for one second. Don't even blink."

"Erm…okay." Lily said slowly.

"Then who's gonna be my partner?" Sirius demanded in an imperious tone.

Remus, seeing the professor's eyes settling on him, started slowly edging away from Sirius.

"I don't like where this is going." He muttered.

"Mr. Lupin will be your partner." The professor replied. "The same rules that apply to Miss Evans apply to you, Mr. Lupin, except there shall be no intake of any type of caffeine or sugar on Mr. Black's part."

"NOOOO!" Sirius cried, causing a few passerbies to look at him strangely and mumble to each other about the strange ways teenagers nowadays acted, and what the causes might be for that behavior.

"Moving on," The professor said, blatantly ignoring the apparent agony on Sirius' features, "You might have noticed that we are standing in front of a mall, for those of you that remember what that is. Today, we are only going to ONE shop. None of you are to leave that ONE shop for any reason whatsoever. And that includes you Potter, Black. I don't care if You-Know-Who himself starts attacking people here; _you must not leave the shop under any circumstances_. Got it?"



She paused here, waiting for a reply, and was rewarded with a few mumbled replies of, "Yes, Professor." She noticed that neither Sirius, nor James, were among the students who answered. She ignored this lack of response in favor of retaining what little sanity she still had.

"Now," She continued, looking at the rest of the class, "I'm going to assign the rest of the buddies. They will be as follows: Benjy and Dorcas, Frank and Alice, Emmeline and Fabian-"

"No!" Gideon exclaimed.

"Me and Gideon have been 'buddies' for everything _since we were born_." Fabian added. "How are we supposed to wreak havoc if we're separated?" He added in a whisper to his twin.

James patted him consolingly on the back. "Me and Sirius feel the same way."

"Sirius and I." Remus corrected.

"No…" James said slowly, looking at his friend strangely. "Me and Sirius. Not you and Sirius. Me and Sirius. I really never took you for the wreaking havoc kind of guy, Moony."

"There shall be no havoc wreaking or maraudering on this field trip." The professor said with a pointed look at five of the teens before her. "Anyway, continuing with your partners: Gideon and Amelia, and Caradoc and Dedalus will be together, also. Did I miss anyone?"

"You missed _me_." Marlene said in a melodramatic tone reminiscent of the one Sirius usually spoke in and Remus gave a silent 'thank you' that he didn't have to be around the two of them that day. "I've never been more insulted in my entire life."

"How can you insult her like that?" Sirius jumped in. "Professor, I am utterly shocked by your horrifying lack of manners. Poor Marlene might never recover from this abuse."

At this a scowl broke out on the professor's face.

"If you're so concerned about her well-being, then why doesn't she join your group?" Here, she sent an apologetic look in Remus' direction. "I'm sorry, Remus, but I couldn't really trust anyone else to watch them…Except of course for Lily, but I'm sure she'll have her hands quite full with Mr. Potter." She said, glancing at the aforementioned pair who was currently absorbed in abusing the bubble gum machines. To be exact, James was hitting said machines and demanding to know why it refused to give his Lilyflower bubblegum, while Lily stood there rolling her eyes at his childish antics.

"Yay!" Sirius exclaimed as Marlene walked over to stand next to him. "I get Mars in my group!" His words were punctuated by the sound of Remus hitting his head against the brick wall which stood so conveniently to his left. "Moony, why aren't you excited about Mars being in our group?" He asked, referring to Marlene with the childish nickname he had bestowed upon her during the sorting ceremony in first year.

Remus, meanwhile, was muttering something under his breath which sounded very much like, "Why me? What have I done to deserve being stuck with these two sugar-crazed, caffeine-addicted maniacs? Why does everyone hate me so much?"

"It's O.K. Remmie." Marlene said consolingly patting him on the back. "But if you don't stop hurting the wall like that, then it really will hate you."

"Yes, because that's what I really worried about; the wall hating me." Remus said sardonically. "As always, Marlene, your genius never fails to astound me."

"Remmie," Sirius began in a serious tone, "Are you doing that sarcasm thing again? You know, it really hurts Mars and mine's feelings when you talk to us like that." Sirius said with a mock sob. "Now we might have to join our dear professor in that…er…what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, that sikey thing?"

"Psychiatric Counseling." Remus muttered. "Incidentally, that's what I'm going to need after a few more field trips with the two of you."

"Don't remind me that there are going to be more of these _fun_ excursions." The professor said. "I don't know what made me plan these in the first place…I should get my head examined for ever agreeing to do this."

"But professor," Sirius began, looking concerned, "I thought that's what the mind-healer you see every Thursday for fifty galleons an hour was supposed to be doing. If you don't think it's working, you should demand your money back."

"I can't take any more of this." The professor said, holding a hand against her forehead. "All of you just go…go into the store, and don't cause any problems."

"Yeah," Remus muttered, quickening his pace to catch up to Sirius and Marlene who were chattering animatedly about their talking bears, "Like that is ever going to happen."

**A/N-REVIEW! Oh, and just because we put the effort in to it already, here is the Seventh Year Muggle Studies Class List:**

Bones, Amelia

Black, Sirius

Dearborn, Caradoc

Diggle, Dedalus

Evans, Lily

Fenwick, Benjy

Longbottom, Frank

Lupin, Remus

McKinnon, Marlene

Meadows, Dorcas

Potter, James

Prewett, Alice

Prewett, Fabian

Prewett, Gideon

Vance, Emmeline


	4. Building Bears and Other Nonsense

**a/n-As of this exact moment right now, do I need a pen name REALLY, REALLY, REALLY INSANELY HATES Build-a-Bear! And An-Jelly-Ca just wants to sleep. Without do I need a pen name you would all be busy trying to entertain yourselves in some other fashion that does not include reading this update, because An-Jelly-Ca would never, ever update if do I need a pen name did not force her. **

**Moving on, thank you to all of our fabulous reviewers who made do I need a pen name actually want to update for once in her life, especially because she has been feeling inexplicably lazy as of late. Also, her computer is on crack, and she wishes for it to die, because it has rendered her incapable of updating, which is why we are on An-Jelly-Ca's computer. That's all! (Other than the obvious fact that you all need to REVIEW! But we'll go back over that later.)**

**On a more repetitive note, before you actually get to read the chapter, thank you to all of our reviewers, whom we have already mentioned in this insanely long author's note. Except, of course, again, for that dude in the back row with the bowler and his friend, the girl with the purple pants, who have both recently been joined by the psycho who insists on people calling him the Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies. For more on this so-called 'Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies' read An-Jelly-Ca's ****How Do YOU Eat Your Oreo Cookie?****. At least, that's what do I need a pen name thinks it's called.**

**Now, ON WITH THE STORY! (maybe…)**

**Disclaimer-****"It is ludicrous to read the microwave directions on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice."**

**Chapter Four-Building Bears and Other Nonsense**

Chaos could not _quite_ describe the scene currently unfolding before the horrified eyes of Lily Evans and Remus Lupin as they watched the three students they were assigned to watch, Sirius Black, Marlene McKinnon, and James Potter systematically dismantle the Build-A-Bear Workshop.

It all began when Sirius and Marlene walked into the store their eyes immediately falling to rest on the barrels of unstuffed teddy bears (and their furry friends). They decided that they were above waiting in line, and so, proceeded to shove their way to the front of a rather long line of midgets aka small children. Their plan to avoid the line hit an unexpected snag when the midgets decided that they were rather averse to the idea of being shoved to the back of the line they had spent the past twenty minutes waiting in. And thus, began BBWI, other wise known as Build-a-Bear War One.

Meanwhile, James had decided that it was his life's ambition to prove his vast knowledge of the Muggle World to his darling Lilyflower. In theory, this shouldn't have led to anything catastrophic, seeing as James had spent the last four years in Muggle Studies, alas, James had spent most of those four years staring longingly at Lily, whilst she sent him death glares in response. Therefore, James' knowledge of non-magic people didn't extend far from knowing that they existed and were responsible for the presence of his dear Lilyflower, who he could now refer to as such without risking bodily harm. In order 

to prove his vast stores of knowledge he had decided to build his bear on his own, entirely on his own, without the help of the store workers.

Sirius and Marlene proved to be a nice diversion, because it took every worker in the store to stop the riot that occurred in the middle of the stores as Sirius Marlene and the midgets proceeded to throw anything and everything they could reach at each other in a battle to the death or really just a battle until the workers managed to pull them apart.

So, while Sirius and Marlene engaged in an epic battle against the children, James snuck over to the fluff machine grabbed the hose and proceeded to stuff his bear. Unfortunately, what appeared to be a small gray stuffed animal that a particularly violent five year old had thrown at Sirius' head had gotten stuck in the hose.

James, thinking that the machine simply needed to be turned up, flipped the switch to high pressure and awaited the fluff. And this is where we join the Seventh Year Muggle Studies Class of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…eventually…First, let us examine the details of the events leading up to said chaos.

_Thirty Minutes Earlier…_

"Teddies!" Sirius exclaimed happily, pointing like a child to the long row of bins full of bears one could select to stuff. "Me first! Me first!" He said, shoving his way through a line of six-year-olds to get to the bears, and dragging Marlene along with him.

The two abruptly halted their frenzied dash towards the bins as their eyes took in the full array of bears and their furry friends.

Marlene gasped as her eyes fell on one such furry friend. "Siri, it's _you._ Mini-you!"

Indeed, the stuffed animal in question bore a remarkable resemblance to Sirius' animagus form. It was almost uncanny how Build-A-Bear Workshop had managed to replicate it so well, and without ever intending to do so.

"What're you going to build? HUH? HUH? HUH?" Marlene demanded. "I'm going to build you, mini-you, and I shall call him, Snuffles, you know, your animagus form has always looked like a Snuffles to me, I know you four call you Padfoot, but really, I think you look more like a Snuffles."

"If you're going to build _me_ then I'm going to build _you_!" Sirius said enthusiastically.

"Since we're building each other," Marlene rationalized, "Then we won't have to miss each other that much when you go off to Auror training camp this summer, and I can tell it all my schemes while I wait for you to come back. After all I couldn't write such sensitive material in a letter, now could I?"

"Yeah, because you'd probably get arrested." Remus said coming up behind Marlene and Sirius causing them both to jump slightly.



"Build-a-Bear is playing right into our scheming hands, Mars1. Mwhahahahaha!" Sirius replied, waving away Remus' accusation of any potentially illegal activities he and Marlene may have been or may become involved in as he laughed his 'evil' laugh.

"Aw…how cute." James said, coming up behind his friends just in time to hear the talk of the matched stuffed animals. "You should dress them up in husband and wife outfits."

"Don't tease them, James." Lily reprimanded her boyfriend. "I think it's cute. They remind me of a younger version of us."

"Hey!" Sirius protested. "We're the same age!"

"Actually," Lily began in her matter-of-fact voice, "I'm two months older than James and seven and a half months older than you, Sirius."

"That does explain the gap in maturity." Remus commented.

"She's older than you, too!" Sirius protested.

"That has no bearing on this case." Remus declared.

"Huh?" Marlene said, looking quite confused.

Then, Remus noticing that Sirius looked like he was going to continue the argument quickly distracted his friend: "Sirius, don't you need to go get that un-stuffed fox animal, it looks like there's only one left; you wouldn't want to lose it to some little kid, would you?" Remus asked. Sirius looked scandalized at the very idea of not getting the fox stuffed animal he had claimed as his own.

Therefore, Sirius shoved both Remus and James out of his path, dived over the heads of several five year olds and catapulted himself into the bin. He managed to grab the last fox just as a seven year old was reaching for it.

"Nana-nuh-nah-nah!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's mine now!" He proclaimed before clambering out of the barrel that had held said fox toy.

"Your boyfriend is going to get himself killed by a midget." James muttered to Marlene as they watched these events unfold.

"No he's not. That midget isn't a girl. Siri is going to be killed by a girl, _everyone_ knows that." Marlene paused and turned to glare at James. "And he isn't my boyfriend."

This said, Marlene turned and stalked off to the bin which held the black dogs, which were a very good likeness of Sirius in his animagus form.

"When are they going to learn that denial isn't good for them?" Lily asked no one in particular. "They spend more time together than you and I do, James, yet they claim not to be a couple."



"They need to learn a lot more things, first." Remus said, his eyes growing wide with horror as he saw Sirius and Marlene cutting another line, this one for the stuffing machine.

"Hi, what's your name?" The blonde-haired woman in charge of the stuffing machine asked either completely oblivious to the fact that Sirius and Marlene had cut everyone in the line or choosing to ignore it.

"Sirius." Sirius answered.

"No, what's your name."

"Sirius."

"Serious?"

"Yes, Sirius."

"I'm sorry I don't get what being serious has to do with anything." The woman said obviously confused.

"FOR MERLIN'S SAKE HIS NAME IS SIRIUS! Like the star." Remus yelled finally losing his temper. "Sirius. S-I-R-I-U-S. Sirius. Get it now?"

The blonde woman's eyes widened more and more as Remus' voice rose so that, by the time he had finished his rant they were quite the dominant feature upon her face.

"S-Sorry." She stuttered. She held out a shaking hand for the unstuffed fox Sirius clutched possessively in one of his hands, the other behind his back. "I'll just fill that for you now." She practically yanked the fox out of his hand and attached it to the stuffing machine. Nodding at the container next to the machine she said, "Take a heart, make a wish, and give it a kiss if you want to. You, too." She added, noticing the black dog Marlene was holding. She then glanced at Remus and opened her mouth to say something, thought better of it, and then closed it again. Remus wasn't holding a bear and she really didn't want to ask him if he planned to make one. Sirius, however, had another plan.

"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, the hand behind his back twitching slowly. "Mars and I noticed you didn't get to pick a bear, for some strange reason we can't comprehend, so we chose one for you." This said, Sirius finally pulled his arm out from behind his back to reveal a bright pink teddy bear. "We thought it suited you."

"…" Remus stared at his friends (he used to term loosely), wondering what about the bright pink bear made them think Remus would want it.

"It looks like we're all out of stuffing. I am going to go get more in the back room." The blond worker interrupted saving Remus from responding. She quickly returned dragging a huge box of stuffing, she put in as much as was necessary to fill the machine before going back to the backroom to return the half-empty box of stuffing.



The children whom Sirius and Marlene had shoved out of the way in their rush to be first in both the stuffing line and the picking-a-pet station seemed to take her disappearance as their cue to begin attacking. And thus, began Build-a-Bear War One.

"Ready?" A midget…er…child questioned of his fellow midgets. "Aim. FIRE!"

Sirius and Marlene, who had been quite…innocently fluffing their fox and dog at the fluffing station, were suddenly hit in the back of the head by several unstuffed animals.

"We're under attack!" Sirius yelled, grabbing Marlene's arm. "Find cover!"

"And ammunition." Marlene reminded him as they hid behind the fluffing station, pulling Remus along behind them.

"No," Remus contradicted, "What you need to do, is apologize to these children before this entire store is destroyed.

"Return fire!" Marlene commanded, picking up the closest thing to her hand, which was a mini version of the black dog she had stuffed just moments before. "Hey, you're going into battle, Siri."

"Padfoot would be happy to fight for such a noble cause." Sirius declared.

"You mean Snuffles." Marlene corrected him.

Remus opened his mouth to say something that probably had to do with pointing out that having a war with children in the middle of a Build-a-Bear store wasn't very noble, but was interrupted by an unstuffed animal hitting the side of his head. This provided a significant shock to his brain, and without turning to look at what he was grabbing, took whatever it was Sirius was holding and launched it at one of the midgets.

"That's the spirit, Moony!" Sirius said gleefully.

Meanwhile, James, upon noticing his friends' preoccupation with battling midgets, snuck over to where Sirius and Marlene had dropped their recently stuffed animals. Snatching them up he stealthily made his way to the dressing station and proceeded to outfit them in the clothes he thought best matched their owners feelings. He was about to sneak back over to where Sirius and Marlene had left their animals, but decided to prove his prowess at operating muggle machinery and proceeded to the stuffing machine, an unstuffed deer in hand.

Upon reaching the stuffing machine, James attached the hose to the opening in the deer and pushed the pedal to make the stuffing come out. Nothing happened. Refusing to be beaten by a piece of muggle machinery, James continued to push down on the pedal, harder and harder, not noticing that the hose continued to grow larger and larger with the amount of stuffing being blocked by something that was lodged inside of it. And then…

_KABLOOEY!_

Sirius gasped from his defensive position behind the fluffing station. "It's snowing!" He exclaimed. "I've always wanted it to snow in September. Santa finally listened to me! I always knew there was a good reason for me to run away from home."

Nothing more could be said, however, because at just that point, the blonde store employee walked back into the room. She stopped dead when she saw the destruction, her eyes roving from James, holding deer attached to the demolished stuffing machine to Sirius, Marlene, and Remus, behind the fluffing station battling midgets armed with the store's merchandise.

At this point, she decided that calling mall security would be a wise decision. After twenty grueling minutes, in which Sirius and Marlene became convinced the security people were actually death eaters in disguise who had a soft spot for midgets thus attacking them with miniature stuffed animals as well. The security guards finally managed to…usher everyone out of the store, which would now be closed for an indefinite amount of time.

"Oh no!" Marlene cried once their class had regrouped outside of the store, their teacher nowhere to be seen. "We forgot our animals inside, Siri!"

"I have them!" James announced proudly, holding the two animals forward. "I even dressed them for you! Don't they look great?"

Sirius and Marlene paused to glare at James for dressing their beloved fox and dog in bride and groom outfits. Meanwhile, Remus was lecturing them on how mortified he was to banned from every Build-A-Bear in twenty different countries around the world.

Fifteen minutes later, they finally found their teacher sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth muttering incomprehensible herself. Remus, trying to make up for his earlier lack of poise, led her outside to the bus that was waiting there to take them back to the train station. And the rest, as they say, is history…

**a/n-our sincerest apologies for taking more than four and half months to update. However, on a more positive note, we did write this chapter three times without noticing, hence the insanely long length of this chapter, because we combined three chapters into one! So, REVIEW!**


	5. Ten Pin Bowling

**A/N-do I need a pen name would like to express her extreme mortification at the fact that it has been almost five months since we've updated. An-Jelly-Ca is unmoved and believes that that was not a long time to wait. On a more positive note, we both have stories that haven't been updated in a longer amount of time than that. But please don't let that stop you from reading any of our stories. Reviews make us HAPPY!!!!!!! Of course, An-Jelly-Ca is still unmoved, though she does admit to an extremely low level of guilt for not updating her story 'I Blame You' which got 26 reviews in the last chapter. We have mutually decided that we shall not accept less than 100 reviews per chapter before we feel bad thus making us want to update. So…start reviewing! **

**Although we shall update just as slowly as before, regardless of the amount of reviews, we'll just feel bad about not updating. That's how we're fair. We won't hold reviews over people's heads, we'll just feel bad about not updating. Don't you love reading our stories?**

**Once again, we'd love to thank all of our fabulous reviewers who number less than 100, just so you know. And of course, the dude in the back row with the bowler hat, the girl next to him with the purple pants, the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies", and their newest companion the periwinkle spoinkle are the only exception to that. In other words (An-Jelly-Ca's to be more specific) get your butts reviewing!**

**Disclaimer-We are quite obviously not J.K. Rowling. For starters, she is one person, and we are two. The more obvious reasoning to support our claim is that it takes us more than four and a half months to write one chapter, and at that rate, we'd probably still be writing the first book. If we were J.K. that is. And seeing as there are actually seven books in print, plus the Tales of Beedle the Bard, plus those other two books which have names that are not important enough for do I need a pen name to remember at the current moment, there is no possible way that we can be J.K. Thus, you should not sue us for any reason whatsoever. I mean…**_**please**_** don't sue us for any reason whatsoever.**

**Chapter Five-Ten-Pin Bowling**

"Ahem." The Muggle Studies professor cleared her throat as she stood in front of the doors in the Entrance Hall. "Hem hem. Quiet down, children. I need to take attendance before we leave."

"That doesn't make any sense." Sirius declared. "Why would you want to make sure you were taking all of us with you when it is your Grand Master Plan to run away from us and hide in a cupboard somewhere as soon as possible because we scare you senseless?"

"Uh, I definitely have no such plan, I would never dream of abandoning all of you fine wonderful children alone in the middle of Muggle London so that I would never have to see you again," The professor laughed nervously. "Why would you think that?"

"Um, we were just kidding," Marlene said awkwardly. "But, it's kind of, I dunno…"

"Creepy?" Sirius supplied.

"Yes, creepy! That you have such a detailed plan for something you would never dream of doing." Marlene said squinting up at the professor and tucking a lock of her curly orange hair behind her ear. "You have no such plan right? RIGHT?"

"Uh, right, ANYWAY, moving on to attendance," The professor said in a rather obvious attempt to change the subject. "As you all know today we will be participating in a muggle sport known as bowling, can anyone tell me what bowling is? Anyone, ah, yes, Miss Evans?"

"Bowling is a muggle athletic activity where one throws a heavy ball with three holes in it down a long wooden lane to try to knock down ten pins in a triangular design." Lily explained.

"Excellent, Miss Evans, ten points to Gryffindor." The professor complimented. "Anyway, you will play this game in groups of four or five; you will work with your partner or partners from the last field trip, and be further paired with another set of partners."

"So, what you're saying is I am still with Sirius and Marlene?" Remus asked his voice dangerously quiet.

"Yes, and again, I apologize for that Mister Lupin, but I fear nothing can be done, moving on, I will assign your groups for this field trip, Benjy and Dorcas will be paired with Frank and Alice, Fabian and Emmeline will go with Gideon and Amelia,"

"YES!" Gideon cheered exchanging a high five with his twin. "We are together again!"

"Are you sure that was wise, Professor?" Alice, who knew the antics of her cousins better then most, inquired.

"No, not at all," The professor replied in what was undoubtedly supposed to be a casual tone and came off as more of a utterly hysterical and slightly deranged tone. "And finally, and Mister Lupin, Miss Evans, I do apologize greatly for this, you two will be playing with Mister Black, Mister Potter, and Miss McKinnon."

"Nooooo." Remus groaned falling to his knees as if in great agony. "What did I ever do to you? Was a hundred and twelve percent on our exams last year not high enough? Am I being punished for the one E I got on that one essay fourth year?"

"Now, try to get a hold of yourself, Mister Lupin, everyone needs to make sacrifices sometimes, I, myself, have made several sacrifices, the largest of which was agreeing to teach this God forsaken class…" She paused. "Did I say that last bit out loud?"

"Why, hello, my dear professor, it sounds like you lot are having all sorts of great fun already," Dumbledore said approaching the group.

"Um, Headmaster, if you don't mind my asking, what are you doing here?" Lily asked tentatively.

"I? I am reading myself to join you wonderful students on your field trip to the bowling alley. I have always been a fan of bowling. Wonderful game, simply wonderful." Dumbledore replied.

"And, if you don't mind _my_ asking, Professor, what exactly are you wearing?" Marlene cut in.

"Why, the very latest in Muggle fashions of course." Dumbledore replied.

And, Dumbledore was, in fact, wearing the very latest in Muggle fashions, if in fact, the very latest in Muggle Fashions happened to be a bright purple three piece suit, complete with a glittering purple top hat, shiny purple shoes, and a purple pimp cane reminiscent of the one Lucius Malfoy had recently been spotted purchasing in a Muggle apparel store, and was later heard claiming that it was an ancient pureblood heirloom dating back to the founding of Hogwarts.

"Anyway," The teacher said clearing her throat again. "Have I forgotten anyone?"

"Yes!" Caradoc Dearborn exclaimed sounding highly affronted. "You forgot to pair up Me and Dedalus!"

"I think you'll find that the correct grammar is Dedalus and I." Remus said helpfully.

"Remus, how many times do we need to go over this?" James asked. "He is referring to himself and Dedalus, not you and Dedalus, in the same way I was referring to myself and Sirius not you and Sirius."

"Why do I even bother?" Remus asked Lily.

"Because you endeavor to further the edification of your fellow scholars." Lily replied promptly.

"If I were sane I would've given up on this a long time ago." Remus declared.

"It's fortunate you're not sane then." Lily said. "Because then I would then be left alone in my silent and unappreciated endeavor to further the correct usage and mechanics of the English Language."

"Can we get back to the matter at hand?" Dedalus demanded. "Who are Caradoc and I going to be bowling with?"

"Ah yes…" The professor looked around at the assembled students and, seeing no available groups for the two boys to join turned back to Caradoc and Dedalus. "You shall be bowling with myself and Professor Dumbledore."

"Oh great." Caradoc muttered. "Lucky us: we get to bowl with the crazy and the guy who looks like a Muggle pimp."

"Yes, how lucky indeed." Dumbledore replied cheerfully with a twinkle in his eyes, seeming to either not notice, or simply not care, about Caradoc's blatant sarcasm and unenthusiasm for the suggested course of action. He turned back to the professor. "Now, my dear professor, have you already arranged for the mode of transportation we shall be using on the field trip?"

The professor just looked at Dumbledore, her eyes growing wider with each word Dumbledore spoke.

"I didn't think so." Dumbledore said, not waiting for her to verbally answer his question. "That is why I have arranged for several ministry cars to transport us to the bowling alley."

"Ooh, can I drive, Professor?" Sirius asked, a grin creeping across his face.

"NO!" The Muggle Studies professor cried. "We had enough of your 'driving' during your fifth year. So, for the sake of my sanity and the continued good health of every member of this class, the ministry workers shall be driving the car, and you shall be sitting in the back. Between Miss Evans and Mister Lupin, and not anywhere remotely near Mister Potter or Miss McKinnon, do you understand that, Mister Black?"

"Now professor," Dumbledore interrupted gently. "Don't be so hard on the boy, I find his antics his antics to be quite amusing."

"Oh yes." The professor agreed sarcastically. "The disappearing ceiling in his first year was just _so_ amusing!"**(1)**

"My thoughts exactly." Dumbledore agreed. He turned to Sirius. "Nevertheless, since I am not the one directly in charge of this class, we should probably follow your professor's pre-planned seating chart."

"I suppose you're right, Professor Dumbledore," Sirius said, "But I'm quite positive she's making this all up as she goes along."

"Everyone outside!" The Muggle Studies professor cried suddenly. "The cars are here."

The group of fifteen students and two professors left the building and headed over to the three cars.

"Five students to each car." Their professor said. Sirius and Marlene took this as their cue to run to the first of the Ministry cars, jump up and down in front of it, and shout "Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!" While gesturing wildly for Remus, James, and Lily to catch up to them. They then piled into the car, belatedly remembering their teacher instructions as to seating, and allowing Remus (much to his joy) to slide into the bench seat in the back in between Marlene on the left, and Sirius on the right. Lily and James then sat in the two seats in front of the bench seat.

Once everyone else was situated in the other two cars, all three cars pulled back down the drive away from Hogwarts and towards the Muggle World and Remus began to curse his life as Sirius and Marlene began to sing '100 bottles of Butter Beer on the Wall' at the top of their lungs. Life, Remus decided, was not fair. Not fair at all.

**A/N-(1)-for more on Sirius and the disappearing ceiling, please read our other story whose name escapes us at the current moment, but can be found on our profile page.**

**So, it took us nearly five months to actually convince ourselves that it was time to update. It then took us two hours to actually start writing anything. And then, once all of that time had passed, it took us about fifteen minutes to write the actual chapter. That's effective time usage, right there. Even more effective time usage, however, would be to press that lovely periwinkle button down there that reads 'REVIEW.' Oh wait, it no longer exists. We haven't updated in so long that that button no longer exists because is stupid. Instead, we'd like for you to press that stupid rectangle in the middle of the bottom of the page that says something about reviewing, but we honestly don't care what it says specifically, because we hate that button. We just want reviews. So, do so. Goodbye.**


	6. Alphabetization and Liberation

**a/n-greetings, beloved readers! we are pleased to inform you that the apocolypse has arrived, and therefore you are receiving an update from us. and you thought today was going to be boring, didn't you? anyway, let's keep this all very simple here and say we're quite sorry for the delay. don't worry, we're trying to be better about updating, and we think the next chapter will be written with much more speediness than this one was. as do i need a pen name is a varsity bowler at our school (much to her chagrin, because she simply despises her coaches) and An-Jelly-Ca was on the team for 2 years with her, we believe we can...um...write the chapter quickly? oh, just forget we ever mentioned it, do i need a pen name is sleep deprived and has no idea what she's saying!**

**thanks to all of our lovely reviewers! You've been wonderful, as always! But of course, we are all quite aware that this praise is most definitely excluding the dude in the back row with the bowler hat, the girl next to him with the purple pants, the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies", the periwinkle spoinkle, and their new best friend who is quite invisible and therefore cannot be described in more detail for you all.**

**Disclaimer-Umm...yeah, so J.K. Rowling graduated high school, right? Well, then you've got a year before you can even think about taking legal action against us for pretending to be her (which we aren't.). And obviously if you understood that (which do i need a pen name does not, even though she wrote it 2.5 seconds ago) you won't be sueing us anytime soon, please and thank you.**

**do i need a pen name agonized over the vehicle specifications listed below for an unknown period of time and therefore is sharing the fruit of her labors with you. Think of it as an early birthday present. Or a late birthday present, if you're An-Jelly-Ca.**

**CAR 1—**Lily, Remus, James, Sirius, Marlene

**CAR 2—**Frank, Benjy, Caradoc, Alice, Emmeline, Dumbledore

**CAR 3—**Fabian, Gideon, Dedalus, Amelia, Dorcas, MS Professor

**Chapter Six-Alphabetization and Liberation**

By some lucky twist of fate on the part of the Muggle Studies professor, she had not ended up in the same car as the bane of her existence. On the downside, however, she had gotten stuck with Gideon and Fabian Prewett, who were almost if not quite as insane as James Potter and Sirius Black. Silently, she cursed inter-family pureblood marriages and wished they would all go die in a hole someday soon. But only the marriages of course; never would she wish any kind of harm upon her _beloved_ students…

This twist of fate would be short-lived, however, as she looked out of the car window to see that they were pulling into the parking lot. Steeling herself for the hard day to come, she took a deep breath and told the driver to park wherever he wanted. Life as she knew it was about to end, so why not begin the end as nicely as possible?

Her plans changed when she stepped out of the car.

"Oh my gosh, professor!" Were the first words the professor heard when she stepped out of the car. Unfortunately they came out of the mouth of one Sirius Black.

"Yes, Mr. Black?" She asked, already weary.

"Do you know Remus?" He asked her. "Remus Lupin. I'm sure you've heard of him before."

"Mr. Lupin is in this class, Mr. Black." She replied.

"So you do know him?" Sirius asked, eyes wide. He turned to Marlene, standing beside him. "I told you she would know who he was." He turned back to the Professor. "Then I would also assume that you are aware that you and Remmy—that's just Remus' nickname, don't be alarmed—share a certain affinity with O.C.D.-like activities?"

"What?"

"Professor." Marlene said, giving the professor a very serious look. "We know you did it on purpose."

"Did what?"

At this, Marlene sighed and leaned her head in closer to Sirius so that they could conference on the matter at hand, aka their professor's inability to understand them. The aforementioned professor watched them with some trepidation, until they finally appeared to reach a consensus. Standing up straight again, they turned to face her with very serious expressions upon their faces.

"We're going to need to call in an expert for this one." Marlene informed the professor. She reached a hand behind her and grabbed Remus' arm, pulling him forward so that he was standing in front of them. "Allow me to introduce Remus J. Lupin, I believe you two know each other."

"Yes, Miss McKinnon." The Professor said. "Like I told Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin is a member of this class, and has been for the past four years."

"I knew there was something you were always hiding from us, Remmy." Marlene said with a shake of her head. "Anyway, I think he can explain things to you and help make them…clearer."

"Professor," Remus began, "Sirius and Marlene are full of childlike wonder, you'll have to excuse their behavior."

The Professor just looked at him. That explanation was a few years late.

Sirius sighed when the professor showed no signs of higher understanding.

"I had such high hopes for you, Remmy." He said with a disappointed shake of his head. "Well, I guess I'll have to explain for you."

"Please don't." Remus muttered under his breath. "Please, please, please."

"Professor," Sirius said, "Let me lay it out for you, nice and simple. You and Remus, here, share an affinity for orderly mannerisms."

"A-B-C-D—" Marlene began singing.

"You're ruining my whole punchline, here, Mars." Sirius said. He looked back at the professor. "Alice, Benjy, Caradoc, Dumbledore, Emmeline, Frank."

"What?"

"It's the alphabet!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's the second most fun thing to torment Remmy with, after the Colors."

"The what?" The professor asked.

"You wouldn't understand." Sirius said with a wave of his hand.

"…okay, then, let's just get started shall we," The implied ending to this statement was 'before I blow my brains out,' or 'before I go on a homicidal rampage and snap your skinny little necks' but the professor felt it was best not to voice these further thoughts in front of her boss. Instead she said: "I want all of you students to take a seat on these benches over here while I take this list you gave me with your shoe sizes and get us lanes and bowling shoes for all of you. I repeat: Stay. Here. As in, refrain from moving…" The professor sighed as Sirius inevitably raised his hand.

"Like, not moving at all? Not even stretching or um, anything? Because I don't do that sitting still thing."

"It's true, he doesn't." Marlene said helpfully.

"I think he has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder," Remus added.

"Just stay here all right, don't move from your seats otherwise do whatever you want…" The professor said with a sigh before going to get everything squared away with the manager of the bowling alley.

Unfortunately for the professor, Sirius was not at all inclined to remain in his seat and Dumbledore was in the midst of observing some delightful muggles demonstrate their bowling prowess several lanes away from where the students had been instructed to remain. Therefore, Sirius and Marlene got up without any sort of fuss being made and headed toward the arcade area where toy machines were set up, which every muggle knows it is absolutely impossible to ever win a toy from. Sirius, however, was not a muggle, and he was also slightly deranged, though not nearly as much as his cousin Bellatrix.

Sirius ground to a halt in front of one particular toy machine causing Marlene to bump into him and fall down not prepared for his sudden stop. It's a good thing that Sirius didn't drive because if he can't even walk without knocking people down imagine him driving. Marlene scoffed indignantly at her friend before getting to her feet and following his gaze to the machine which had caught his undivided attention (which was extremely rare, something catching his undivided attention that is). The machine in question was full of:

"Spoinkles!" Sirius exclaimed. "Susie's relatives are all here! And most cruelly trapped within the glass walls of this horrid prison, we must rescue them, Mars! It is our solemn duty."

Meanwhile, Remus had heard Sirius' exclamation from his spot seated on the benches pointed out by his professor like the good student he was. He was filled with horror as he processed what Sirius had just shouted across the bowling alley. _There was actually a machine filled with SPOINKLES???!!! And Sirius wanted to RESCUE them?! Their dormitory would be overrun with the stupid yo-yos and he would never get another moment's peace. He was DOOMED! Unless, unless of course everything he knew about those machines held true and Sirius was unable to free the spoinkles. Who is he kidding, Sirius will probably just magic the stupid yoyos out and violate the Statue of Secrecy and get them all in a whole lot of trouble._

James and Lily on the other hand were too wrapped up in each other to notice what Sirius and Marlene were getting up to which left the responsibility of stopping Sirius to him. Unfortunately, when Remus tried to rise from his seat to get up he found that he was apparently stuck literally to the bench. It seemed that Sirius had anticipated his protests. Remus frowned, this was so not looking good for keeping his dormitory free of (more) spiky yoyos.

Remus groaned aloud as he heard a squeal of delight which indicated unmistakably that Sirius had managed to _rescue_ at least one of _Susie's_ cousins. The most mature marauder fought back the urge to hit his head repeatedly against the nearest hard surface.

Remus remained wrapped up in his misery and pessimism for around ten minutes until Sirius and Marlene came strolling back over to join the group their arms full of what looked like fifty or more spoinkles.

This was _so_ not his day.

**a/n-Congratulations on surviving the insanely long beginning author's note and then actually staying tuned to read the chapter! Just a few loose ends before do i need a pen name falls asleep on top of her computer after posting this for you all:**

**For more on the 'Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies' as he was mentioned in our first author's note, please go read An-Jelly-Ca's story How Do YOU Eat Your Oreo Cookie?. She would much appreciate any reviews you feel compelled to leave for her.**

**Also, to learn more about Susie the Spoinkle (do i need a pen name would like to not that as she is the one writing this author's note you have been spared from having to read Susie's full (read: INSANELY LONG) name) again go to An-Jelly-Ca's stories, of which in two Susie makes appearances. They are entitled A Tale of Spoinkles and Sirius, his Spoinkle and A Diabolical Plot.**

**Not to be outdone, do i need a pen name would just like you to go read all of her stories, because she thinks it would be awfully nice of you to do so.**

**Oh yes, do i need a pen name would also like to add that you should NOT ask what the Colors are unless you wish to be subjected to insanely painful torture in the form of An-Jelly-Ca constantly going on and on about the Colors and never explaining what they actually are, no matter how nicely do i need a pen name asks for an explanation. In conclusion, being subjected to someone sporadically proclaiming "the COLORS!" is not a healthy lifestyle for anyone.**

**On a last note, we sincerely hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review and tell us what you thought of it!**


	7. The Fine Art of Bowling

**a/n-two updates in five days, it's a miracle!!! do i need pen name did not ever think this day would come. An-Jelly-Ca thinks we are quite amazing. do i need a pen name would also like you to know that she had to work on the 4th of July and it was raining, so no one came to buy ice cream from her. so, since there was no ice cream to scoop, she began writing a chapter for all of you, and thus this amazing updating feat was accomplished! aren't you so grateful? since it's been an acceptable time since our last update, no apologies necessary!**

**Thank you immensely to all of our amazing reviewers! Of course, as amazing as you are, we wish there were more of you! Like the dude in the back row with the bowler hat, the girl next to him with the purple pants, the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies", the periwinkle spoinkle, the quite invisible person who cannot be described in more detail at this time, and their bff jill, some of you lovely readers have not reviewed. we promise to not be mad if you go review this chapter...**

**Disclaimer-do i need a pen name has no idea what the colors are. An-Jelly-Ca will not tell her, and therefore she finds it doubtful that anyone else will ever be told either. Oh, wait...I meant to say: No, thanks for asking, but we're not J.K. Rowling, and we probably never will be.**

**Chapter Seven-The Fine Art of Bowling**

"Nice strike, Ana." Sarah said, giving the other girl a high-five.

"Thanks, Sarah." Ana replied with a smile. That smile faded from her face, however, when her gaze drifted behind her friend. "Uhm, Sarah…why is there a creepy old guy dressed like a pimp watching us?

"What?"

Ana nodded in the direction of the man with a long white beard and a purple outfit. Sarah turned to look just as a shout came from the other side of the bowling alley.

"Professor, we're starting!"

At this announcement, the purple-clad man wandered over to the other side of the bowling alley, where a rather large group of teenagers was standing.

"That was odd." Sarah commented.

"Were his eyes twinkling?!" Ana demanded.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the alley, the seventh years had split up into their bowling groups. Lily and Remus were attempting to be patient as they explained to James, Sirius, and Marlene how the game of bowling worked. Remus, however, was failing miserably at the fine art of extreme patience.

"Can Susie's cousins play, too?" Sirius asked before the explanation even began.

"No." Remus said shortly. "You actually have to be alive to bowl."

"Susie's cousins _are_ alive, Remmie." Sirius said, sounding as if he was trying to explain this simple fact of life to a pre-schooler.

"Don't worry, Remus." Lily said consolingly, patting her friend on the arm. "I'm sure this just stems from a childhood in which his only friends were inanimate objects."

"What's this thing for?" Marlene asked, poking a bowling ball with her finger.

"That's a bowling ball." Lily said. "You pick it up and throw it down the lane. The object of the game is to knock as many of those pins—over there—down as possible on each turn.

"But you can't do that!" Sirius protested.

"Why not?" Remus asked warily.

"Because those bowling ball things are obviously the kindred spirits of Susie the Spoinkle and her cousins." Sirius stated, as if it was obvious, which it _really_ wasn't. "It would be the highest level of spoinkle cruelty to chuck a bowling ball down that…did you call it a 'lane?'"

"More cruel than what your cousin Bellatrix did to Susie?" Remus asked, sounding doubtful.

"That doesn't count." Sirius said with a wave of his hand. "That wasn't the _real_ Susie. It was only an impersonator who wishes she could be as amazing as Susan Penelope Spoinkle Puff Black."

"With a name like that for a rubber yo-yo," Remus began, "I'd hate to see what kind of name you'd thrust upon a poor, innocent child."

"None of my godchildren will ever be innocent." James cut in.

"Well, Cassiopeia, of course." Sirius informed Remus, talking over James. "Cassiopeia Chrysanthemum Black."

"That has a nice ring to it." Marlene said.

"Well of course _you_ think so." James declared. "Sirius' kids are going to be your kids, too, Marlene."

"Let's just play the game, why don't we?" Remus suggested before Marlene could protest this fact. "It's too agonizing to have to wait for my impending doom. I just want to get it over with!"

Sirius sighed. "I suppose kindred spirits don't exactly have the same laws. You may proceed with torturing Susie's very distant relatives.

"Thank you!" Remus muttered under his breath to himself.

"Dibs on going first!" Marlene yelled, causing practically all of the people in the bowling alley to give her strange looks."

"I'm second then!" Sirius exclaimed equally loud.

"Did anyone ever tell the two of you that you behave as though you were five?" Remus enquired.

"Why, yes, _you_, of course." Sirius answered in a tone of voice that suggested he was concerned that his friend was going senile.

"I want to be last," James declared before Remus could argue the point with Sirius. "After all the best should go last, right?"

"…right, dear." Lily said after a pause. "And, I'm sure you'll be quite good at bowling."

James as it turned out wasn't quite good at bowling, or good at all as it were. They were three rounds into their current game and he had managed to throw four gutter-balls and had wracked a totally score of two points, from when he had managed to hit the ten-pin twice. However, he would be doing quite well if the object of the game were to get the lowest score possible without actually trying to suck. Unfortunately, this was not the case. There was one positive thing to be said about James' bowling skill however, in that he had actually managed to bowl on his lane.

Sirius, meanwhile, did not seem to understand that his bowl was supposed to land on his lane, as opposed to the lane next to him, (he did manage to get a strike on Caradoc's lane, however). This had led to a long drawn out argument over whether Sirius' strike did in fact count given that he hadn't actually gotten it in his own lane. James, competitive as always insisted that it did not in fact count, and that Sirius should very likely receive negative points for his failure to bowl on his own lane. Sirius had replied that James was just jealous because he was the worst bowler there, which had resulted in a few terrifying seconds when Remus was sure that James was going to pull out his wand and hex the other boy thereby resulting in a severe violation of the Statue of Secrecy. Fortunately, James was distracted from hexing Sirius by Marlene's actions.

See, while Sirius and James had been arguing Marlene had decided that her ball was rather heavy and had walked over to the ball storage shelves located conveniently behind her teacher's lane to find a lighter one. Her professor had called to Marlene asking where she was going and so Marlene had been obliged to walk over to her teacher and explain exactly what she was doing. The problem with this was that Marlene, who had always been a hand-talker forgot that she was holding a rather heavy ball and went to make a hand gesture causing her to drop the bowling ball, which, aided quite generously by gravity, promptly hurtled toward the ground. But instead of finding faded linoleum, it landed on the foot of her Muggle Studies professor who gave a shriek so loud that even Mrs. Black would be hard-pressed to do better.

"Oh my gosh!" Marlene shrieked in an equally loud tone of voice causing the good majority of the bowling alley's patrons to stare in her direction yet again. "Was that your foot? Did it hurt? Huh? Huh? HUH?"

Needless to say, their professor was not amused, rather she was wondering whether her foot was broken and at the same time what on earth had possessed her to conduct all these field trips, with this particular group of seventh years.

"Is something the matter, my dear professor?" Dumbledore asked, coming over to Marlene and the muggle studies teacher.

"Everything's fine, Marlene just had a little _accident_," The tone of voice the professor used seemed to indicate that at this point she was fairly sure Marlene and her friends were out to kill her and it was probably no accident at all. "However, I think she may have broken my foot, so if you don't mind I think I'm just going to sit out the rest of the bowling,"

"Of course," Dumbledore replied in a conciliatory tone. "Miss McKinnon, kindly help your professor into a seat and than you may return to your lane, I wouldn't want you to miss out on this most wonderful experience."

After depositing their professor in a chair Marlene skipped back over to her group.

"I think she hates us," Marlene remarked unceremoniously.

"Who could possibly hate us?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"You'd be surprised." Remus muttered. "Enough chit-chat, let's finish this torturous, er, I mean, _wonderful_ game."

They continued their game with no more major mishaps other than a couple of frames where it seemed that James had bewitched his ball to go the way he wanted it to, thereby causing a loud argument with Sirius. And, then there was also a conflict when Sirius insisted that Susie's cousins would very much like to try to bowl, which had caused Remus to have to spend ten minutes explaining to Sirius why Susie's cousins could not possibly manage to throw the ball down the lane. Meanwhile, Sirius had said that Remus simply did not understand the power of the spoinkles, which had led Remus to believe that Sirius had enchanted all of his spoinkles in some fashion. So, while Remus did manage to convince Sirius not to have his spoinkles play, the prefect spent the rest of the game jumping every time he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, clearly afraid that Sirius' spoinkles were going to attack him at any moment.

At the end of the game the standings stood thus: Remus in first place with a score of 220, Lily in second with a score of 183, Marlene in third with a score of 47, Sirius in fourth with a score of 33, and James in last place with a score of 21. James, meanwhile, had now taken to insisting that he had done so badly on purpose in order to show his darling Lilyflower that he did not need to win everything.

Their professor (who had managed to covertly heal her foot under the table) and Dumbledore ushered them back to the waiting ministry cars amidst James loud declarations of his intentional loss. Once the five teenagers were stuffed into their car, Remus (to his joy) was once more stuck between Sirius and Marlene, while Lily sat next to James in the first back seat.

They had not been in the car for more than five minutes when Sirius had declared that he was bored. Marlene followed up his equation by poking Remus repeatedly in the shoulder and asking "are we there yet." Remus, to his credit, actually endured several minutes of this torture before finally cracking and telling Sirius and Marlene to leave him alone and find some other way to entertain themselves (which was perhaps his biggest mistake thus far today), because Sirius had cheerfully replied that Susie's cousins, Marlene, and him would put on a show for them.

Which led to the current situation:

"_100 bottles of butterbeer on the wall, take one down pass it around 99 bottles of butterbeer on the wall."_ This song was made even worse by the fact that Sirius and Marlene were not in fact the source of the singing; rather fifty spiky, colorful yo-yos were shouting the words from a mouth-like slit that had appeared in their surface. Of course, the thing that made it more annoying than should be humanly possible was the fact that the yo-yo's all appeared to have stolen the voice of Rita Skeeter. And Remus Lupin would have been the first to tell you how very glad he was when that nosy girl had graduated three years ago and taken her painfully annoying voice with her!

As the spoinkle serenade continued Remus valiantly fought to keep from banging his head against the back of the seat in front of him. In the end, he lost horribly.

"You know, Remmie," Sirius began, "I think the pain you are inflicting upon yourself would be much more effective if you were to hit your head against the window, instead of the padded seat."

"He's right, you know." Marlene told Remus. "Switch seats with me, Remmie!"

And that was how Remus ended up losing as many brain cells as he possibly could by hitting his head on the window. Unfortunately for him, however, none of the brain cells he lost were ones currently being used to remember that he was friends with one Sirius Black. Oh, the unfairness of all life…

"This bowling-thingy was exciting, today." Sirius said suddenly, speaking over the serenading spoinkles. "I hope we'll get to liberate more of Susie's cousins wherever we go next."

And that was the last thing Remus Lupin heard before hitting his head so hard against the window that he knocked himself out, thus sparing himself the pain of having to endure the rest of the car ride with Sirius and Marlene.

**!ycnaf ruoy stius ti fi weiver ,gnidaer rof sknaht-n\a**

**--do i need a pen name got VERY bored.**


	8. Parental Permission Required

**a/n-So, it would appear that July is quite a good month for us. Don't you love it when we update so quickly?**

**Thanks to all of our amazing reviewers. Except, as always for the dude in the back row with the bowler hat, the girl next to him with the purple pants, the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies", the periwinkle spoinkle, the quite invisible person who cannot be described in more detail at this time, their bff jill, and the bright pink spoinkle who is in fact best friends with the aforementioned periwinkle spoinkle.**

**Disclaimer-Our identities have yet to change to that of J.K. Rowling.**

**Chapter Eight-Parental Permission Required**

**_Potions class…_**

"Alright, everyone, get to work on your potions immediately, as always I ask you to be extremely careful because even a small mistake such as a clock-wise stir when the potion clearly demands a counter-clockwise stir can have disastrous consequences." Slughorn intoned solemnly as he gestured for the class to begin working.

It was a double period, and all seemed to be going well with the class. Slughorn was pleased to note that there was not even an argument between Sirius, James, and Snape. He should've known it was all to good to be true, because not five minutes after he thought this a shout rang out across the dungeon classroom:

"MY EYES! MY EYES! MY PERFECT BLUE EYES!" The shout came from a short, curly haired girl who was currently covering her eyes with her hands and screaming her head off.

"Miss McKinnon?" Slughorn called hastening over to the girl's work station.

"I can't see!" The orange-haired girl exclaimed sounding horrified. "I'm blind, I'm blind!"

"No, no, let's not panic," Slughorn exclaimed as he imagined being sued by the girl's parents. "I'm sure it's just temporary, someone get her to the hospital wing—you there, Black, take her to Madame Promfrey immediately. Miss Evans could you be so good as to run to the Headmaster's office and inform him of this so he can write her parents?" Slughorn continued.

"Of course, Professor." Lily and Sirius said simultaneously. Sirius took Marlene by the hand and guided her from the room while Lily followed after them to head to the headmaster's office.

In the headmaster's office…

"Headmaster!" Lily exclaimed knocking on his door after having spent ten minutes guessing candy types to get past the gargoyle.

"Come in," Dumbledore's voice called cheerfully from behind the door. Lily obeyed the instruction and entered the room.

"Professor Slughorn sent me, you see, we were working on a potion, and Marlene got some of it in her eyes and now she can't see!" Lily exclaimed sounding extremely worried. "He asked me to have you write her parents a letter explaining about Marlene's accident, I'm to wait for you to finish and then bring it to him so that he can see if there's anything he'd like to add. He says that he'll send the letter off himself." Lily continued.

"Of course, Miss Evans, this is extremely unfortunate, I do hope Miss McKinnon will be all right." Dumbledore replied as he pulled out parchment and a quill and began to pen a letter to the McKinnons. He wrote in silence for a few minutes before taking out his wand and sealing the note shut. He then handed it over to Lily and bid her to take it immediately to Slughorn. She assured him that she would and hurriedly left the room.

_**One week earlier…**_

"All right class, as you all know, for our next field trip we will be going to a muggle amusement park by the name of Disney World, which is located in America. This is to allow you to interact with muggles of other countries and thereby expand your overall knowledge of the non-wizarding world. However, since we will be leaving the country and again using Muggle transportation, the school will be owling your parents or guardians permission slips."

The class burst into excited chatter over the prospect of going to another country and getting to miss a few days of school for the field trip. Sirius, meanwhile, had wholly different concerns.

"…Do you think I seriously need permission from my parents? I mean I did run away last summer, and as far as my parents are concerned I am no longer a Black."

"Well, you are only sixteen, not even of legal age, frankly, it would be a stretch for the school to have even those of us who are of age leave the country without parental permission, given that we're all still in school. I do think that they will need some kind of guardian permission for you to go." Remus answered.

"So, I could end up left behind while you all go on the field trip without ME?" Sirius demanded.

"I'm sure it will be fine, Sirius," James said reassuringly.

"Yeah, don't worry," Marlene continued. "Look, we'll get you there one way or another, I swear, there is no way we will leave you behind so don't even worry about it."

"Why, do I feel like this will be illegal and dangerous in some fashion?" Remus asked despairingly.

"Because it probably will be." Lily said bluntly sharing in her friend's despair.

_**Four days later…**_

"Headmaster? You wanted to see me?" The muggle studies professor questioned after knocking on the door to Dumbledore's office and being let in.

"Yes, I most certainly did, you see I have several matters to discuss with you about the upcoming field trip for your seventh year muggle studies class, first of all, Minerva has agreed to be the second chaperone for the field trip, I think you will find her especially helpful as she has a knack for keeping certain members of your class under control."

"It's very kind of her to agree to come on the trip." The professor mused. "And, you mentioned having several matters to discuss…?" She prompted.

"Ah, yes, I have some rather unfortunate news. I've received replies from all of your students' parents, and unfortunately Mr. Black has not received permission to go, his father sent me this letter," Dumbledore said solemnly as he passed a heavy letter written on clearly expensive parchment with the Black family crest embossed on it.

_Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,_

_I received your letter asking for permission for one Sirius Black to attend a field trip with his Muggle Studies class (a class I would never have a child of mine take), and I regret to inform you that I am quite unable to give him permission. You see, I have but one son, and that would be Regulus, who would never dream of taking Muggle Studies and is in fact only a sixth year. Sirius has been disowned for various reasons which I'm sure are of little concern to you, but as things stand, I am in no position to give him permission for anything, because he is no son of mine. And, even if he were still apart of the Black family I would never give him permission to gallivant off in such a fashion._

_Sincerely,_

_Orion Black_

"So you can see this places us in quite the predicament, for although the Black family may consider Sirius to be disowned, he is still a minor, and he was never formally emancipated and is therefore still considered to be under the guardianship of his parents, even if they don't think so. Which means, without his parents' permission to let him go on the field trip would technically be abduction of a minor; I'm afraid that you shall have to tell Mr. Black that he will have to stay behind."

Even though she was sure that this field trip would be immensely easier if Sirius were not present the muggle studies professor couldn't help but feel bad for the poor boy whose family didn't seem to care too much about him. This was news she did not look forward to breaking.

_**One day later…**_

Remus, James, Lily, and Marlene were currently seated around Sirius in the common room, said boy was currently hitting his head repeatedly with a large book causing Remus to wince each time he did it out of worry for the book which did in fact belong to the amber eyed boy.

"My life is over." Sirius exclaimed melodramatically with a put-upon sigh. "You're all going to go on the field trip and have tons of fun while I am left here all alone, to my misery."

Marlene rolled her eyes at her friend, before responding to his dramatic exclamations of doom. "Look, I promised you that you would get to go, didn't I? So stop freaking out about it, because I have a plan, and it is in fact a most excellent plan."

"…this is so not going to end well." Remus muttered having a sudden urge to seize the book from Sirius' hands and start hitting his own head with it.

"Nonsense," Marlene replied cheerfully. "When have my plans ever gone wrong?" She queried. "NEVERTHELESS," she continued before Remus had a chance to point out just how many times her 'brilliant' plans had done just that. "This plan will be quite successful. Anyway, this is what we're going to do, tomorrow in potions I am going to make a mistake on my potion and 'accidentally' get some in my eyes; I will then be seemingly blind for an unknown amount of time. While, all the while we will have a simple antidote. The school will then write my parents to inform them of this incident, we shall commandeer that letter and then send a fake return letter from my parents saying that I may still go on the field trip, but will need to take the seeing eye dog that they had a friend drop off in Hogsmeade to be picked up for me to use while on the trip. Sirius, will of course transform into his animagus form and come with us on the trip in that form. Then, once we are there, he can turn back into himself, I can magically be able to see again, and the dog, who we shall call Snuffles will have 'run away.' See, Remus? There is no way my brilliant plan could possibly go wrong!" Marlene said triumphantly.

"I like it!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Me too!" James seconded.

"You would." Remus retorted. "What do you think, Lily?"

"Well…" The head girl bit her lip worriedly before responding. "We can't just leave him here, and it's really not his fault that he can't go, and if his parents won't give him permission than it seems like we'll just have to go ahead with Marlene's convoluted plan."

"My plan is not convoluted." Marlene protested. She was ignored.

"Well, it seems like Marlene is going blind tomorrow." Remus said by way of reply.

"Hmm…" Sirius intoned thoughtfully. "I've never considered a career as a seeing eye dog." He grinned suddenly. "This should be quite interesting…"

**a/n-PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	9. The End of the World

**a/n-So, as stated in the previous chapter, July was an excellent month in terms of updating for us. As for August, September, October, and November...yeah, not so much...Sorry for the wait. On the plus side, however, we have been working on this chapter for the past four months, so hopefully you like it.**

**And, as always, t****hanks to all of our amazing reviewers. Except, as always for the dude in the back row with the bowler hat, the girl next to him with the purple pants, the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies", the periwinkle spoinkle, the quite invisible person who cannot be described in more detail at this time, their bff jill, the bright pink spoinkle who is in fact best friends with the aforementioned periwinkle spoinkle, and their new bff rose.**

**Disclaimer-do i need a pen name is do i need a pen name and An-Jelly-Ca is An-Jelly-Ca. Neither of us is J.K. Rowling.**

**Chapter Nine-The End of the World**

"My life," Marlene began what would undoubtedly be a dramatic pronouncement, in her usual fashion: dramatically. So dramatically it would put even Shakespeare to shame (not that she had any idea who Shakespeare was). "Is ruined."

"Explain this to me again," Minerva McGonagall said with an exasperated sigh. With her elbows on her desk, she brought her hands up to rub her temples. Marlene, Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily were all seated before her, attempting to explain to the Deputy Headmistress about Marlene's current visual impairment. "How did this happen? Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Well, it all started one day seven years ago, when you were lucky enough to have all of us sorted into your house, or really if you think about it, Minnie, it all began when we were born with our Gryffindor-ish characteristics, or even when you were born and became a Gryffindor. So as you can tell it's been going on for quite a long time." Sirius explained to his obviously annoyed teacher.

"Could you please just be serious for once in your life, Mr. Black?" McGonagall demanded. "This is an extremely-"

"_Sirius_ matter?" James suggested helpfully.

"Hello! BLIND GIRL OVER HERE!" Marlene jumped in loudly preventing McGonagall from replying to the collection of cheesy puns that were her students.

"Yes, we are aware of your current lack of visual prowess, Miss McKinnon." McGonagall replied wearily.

"Do you realize how this is going to affect me? Never again will I get to see Slytherins with the hair dyed strange colors, nor will I get to enjoy our amazing handiwork which is the Great Hall ceiling(1), I won't be able to go up the stairs without tripping…"

"No offense, Marlene, but you've never been all that great at climbing stairs without tripping in the first place, you're not what I would call the most coordinated person…" James stated as if this somehow made up for her blind-ness.

"That's no way to treat poor, poor _blind_ Marlene." Remus reprimanded in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Woe is me." Marlene said mournfully, turning un-seeing eyes on her transfiguration professor. "I shall be entrapped forever in a world of horrible darkness, never again to see the light of day, isolated from all humanity! My soul shall become black, blacker then Sirius' last name, and I shall just sit alone and world-weary by myself in my eternal blind-ness. Woe is me. Woe is me."

McGonagall looked like she was torn between a desire to hit the girl over the head and a desire for a shot of Ogden's best firewhiskey. As neither of these were a viable option at the current moment she settled for sighing in a put-upon matter and instructing Remus to recount the story.

"You see, Professor, we were in potions, diligently working on our assignment," Remus began, looking the picture of academic integrity. "Sirius and Marlene were partners as per tradition, but apparently they added a wrong ingredient because all of a sudden the potion exploded and poor, poor, blind Marlene was screaming about her eyes."

"My _perfect_, **BLUE** eyes." Marlene emphasized.

"And, that's pretty much how we ended up here." Remus finished, completely ignoring the ginger-haired girl.

"I see." McGonagall replied curtly wondering how much trouble she would get in from Dumbledore if she simply decided to lock herself in her office and leave some poor unsuspecting soul to deal with the delinquents, er, students.

"But what is Marlene going to do, Professor?" Sirius demanded. "How is she supposed to take in the beauty and splendor of that muggle World Park-thingy when she can't see anything?"

"Not to mention that she won't be able to get around on her own." James added in.

"Well…" McGonagall heaved a great sigh, trying to appear as if it caused her great pain to say what she was about to say as she remembered that she would be accompanying the seventh year's on their next Muggle Studies field trip. "I suppose Miss McKinnon will just have to stay behind for trip, seeing as she will be unable to benefit from it academically. You'll have some company, Mr. Black."

"_No!_" Marlene cried. "I've wanted to go to the…um…muggle World…um…Park-thingy ever since I was a child and first heard of the place."

"You mean, three months ago, when we found out about the field trip." Remus muttered under his breath.

"There really isn't anything else you can do, Miss McKinnon." Professor McGonagall replied, while trying to suppress her joy at the fact that she would now be away from both Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon for at least a few days.

"But Professor," Lily suddenly spoke up, "Professor Dumbledore has already written to Marlene's parents and I've seen the letter they wrote back—"

"Lilykins had to read poor, blind Marlene the letter because she couldn't see it." Sirius cut in, confiding this information to Professor McGonagall in a loud, carrying whisper.

"And what did the letter say?" McGonagall asked warily.

"On the day of the trip, they're going to send Marlene a Seeing Eye Dog." Lily continued. "So that she'll be able to get around Disney World without taking away from any of her fellow student's purely academic experience of muggle entertainment. Marlene won't have to stay behind at Hogwarts!"

McGonagall's eyes widened in horror.

"Isn't it going to be great, Minnie?" James demanded enthusiastically. "And it's going to be even greater, because today during Muggle Studies, our professor told us that you were going to be helping chaperone the trip! I didn't know you liked muggle entertainment places, Minnie, but we're all going to have so much fun."

"Well, except for poor, neglected, unloved Sirius." Marlene said consolingly, patting Sirius' leg. "He still has to stay at Hogwarts. Oh, if only his parents didn't hate him so much, my life would be perfect!"

"Yes, poor Mr. Black." McGonagall lamented, consoled in her grief at Marlene's ability to attend the trip by the fact that at least Sirius wouldn't be there to make life extremely hectic and chaotic for her. With only James and a sightless Marlene things would be just mildly crazed. Hopefully. "But I'm afraid there's nothing anyone but his legal guardians can do about that."

"Never fear, Professor," Sirius began, "The world isn't over yet; I'm sure this is the only field trip we'll need parental permission for. You can just come on our next field trip with us so that you and I can spend some quality time together, Minnie."

"I'll think about that, Mr. Black." McGonagall said as the five seventh years stood up and left her office. "I'll think about that for a _very _long time."

**a/n-(1) For more information on the Great Hall ceiling read our other story entitled _Si fecisti nega! If you did it, deny it!_**


	10. Meet Snuffles

**A/N We have returned, finally! Hello, lovely readers! We have missed you hugely, but now we are back. Now that do i need a pen name and I have graduated from high school and are on vacation updates should progress much faster. Much faster indeed. **

**And, as always, t****hanks to all of our amazing reviewers. Except, as always for the dude in the back row with the bowler hat, the girl next to him with the purple pants, the self-proclaimed "Lord of the Fuzzy Pink Bunnies", the periwinkle spoinkle, the quite invisible person who cannot be described in more detail at this time, their bff jill, the bright pink spoinkle who is in fact best friends with the aforementioned periwinkle spoinkle, their new bff rose, their friend the lady with the alligator purse.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. We are naught but recent high school graduates.**

**Chapter Ten-Meet Snuffles**

On some days, Minerva McGonagall sat and pondered what she had done wrong in her life to deserve the torture she received on a daily basis. Today seemed to be one of those days. She had risen at four am to drag the seventh year Muggle Studies students with the help of their professor out of the castle into carriages, which they took to the train station, where she was forced to usher them all on to a muggle train, which would take them to the airport, where they were currently located.

She knew this would be a bad day when she was forced to endure the loud, tearful goodbyes held by Sirius, Marlene, and James, and sadly the tears were not shed by Marlene.

_Five Hours Earlier..._

"I guess this is it." Sirius announced in a loud voice. "The end of the road, you're all going to go off and learn all about muggle culture while I'm left by myself, all alone, in misery."

"Really, Mr. Black, it's not that bad." McGonnagall had stated as she scanned her list of students attending the field trip. Although, she did feel rather bad for the poor boy; he deserved much better than his parents.

"It will be alright, Siri." Marlene comforted, unfortunately she was facing a suit of armor instead of Sirius.

"Uh, Marlene?" Remus questioned.

"Yeah, Rem?" She asked. "I'm kind of in the middle of comforting Sirius here."

"I think that might go a whole lot better for you if you were, you know actually facing him..." Remus explained as he strode over and turned her toward their friend.

"Oh, thanks, Rem."

"Must you destroy my only entertainment?" James asked. "I was hoping she would start hugging it or patting it on the arm in comfort or something."

"It's not nice to mock the visually impaired." Marlene said sternly, as she proceeded to swipe her hand wildly through the air seeking out her friend. Sirius watched her struggle for a few seconds before grabbing her hand and pulling her closer. "It won't be the same without you." She said sadly.

At this point their conversation was interrupted by James throwing himself to the ground at Sirius' feet and wailing hysterically. "DON'T LEAVE MEEEE!"

Marlene huffed indignantly as she was shoved to the side as the two best friends proceeded to sob all over each other about how they hadn't been separated ever in their entire Hogwarts career.

It took McGonnagall, the Muggle Studies professor, and Slughorn, who happened to be passing through the hallway at the time, to pry them apart.

_Present Time..._

And so it was that Minerva McGonnagall found herself seated in the airport pondering the mysteries of fate that prompted her to volunteer to chaperone this field trip.

Well, not fate really, so much as she had the misfortune to lose a bet to Professor Slughorn about how many lemon drops the headmaster could consume in five minutes, which really, who knew that it was possible to eat over one hundred and thirty lemon drops at all, let alone in five minutes.

Thus, she found herself in this airport listening to the loud sighs of dismay released by Marlene and James, while Lily and Remus settled for just looking solemn. It was going to be a long few days.

Also, Marlene's seeing eye dog was beginning to creep her out.

_Four hours earlier..._

"Professor! You have to see this!" Marlene came flying around the corner pulled by a large black dog that if standing on it's back legs was probably larger than the girl.

"See what?" McGonnagall asked warily, wondering what the girl could possibly wish to show her, and also whether whatever it was would explode upon contact.

"This is Snuffles." Marlene said brightly, reaching out a hand blindly feeling around for the dog, who she patted on the head after almost poking him in the eye. "Isn't he cute?" She asked. "Of course, I've never seen him in my life, because you know I'm blind, and what not, and, and yeah, I definitely can't see anything, and, and I just met this dog, but yeah."

If she didn't know that Marlene definitely had lost her vision at least temporarily Minerva would think that she was lying, as it was however she was left to assume that the girl had somehow managed to acquire some sort of caffeine when Remus wasn't looking.

"Is that dog smiling at me?" The transfiguration mistress asked incredulously.

"Er. No." Marlene said. "Perhaps you're seeing things, you should really get that checked out, well anyway Snuffles and I really must be getting back to our compartment, see you later!" With that the girl had grabbed the dog and pulled it away, although Minerva was fairly certain that it had winked at her before the two disappeared from sight.

_Present time..._

"All right, now we are going to go through airport security. Let's go over the do's and don't's of airport security, shall we?" McGonnagall asked.

"Don't yell bomb!" Marlene said loudly.

"Shh!" McGonnagall made frantic shushing gestures at the girl as several bystanders looked at them suspiciously.

"That's right though, isn't it?" Fabian Prewett questioned.

"Yes." Their muggle studies teacher affirmed.

"Now, what is good airport behavior?" McGonnagall prompted.

"Show them your i.d., don't talk, beyond hello and good-bye." James recited.

"Good. What else?"

"Don't mention the M-word." Benjy Fenwick volunteered.

"Good, good." The muggle studies teacher complimented. "Let's go through now, shall we? Marlene, you can go through first with, er, Snuffles."

McGonnagall escorted the girl and the 'dog' over to the security personnel.

"I.D." The bored-looking security guy requested.

McGonnagall handed him Marlene's i.d. which he scrutinized looking back and forth between the girl and her identification card.

"She's going to need help getting through the metal detector: she's blind." The transfiguration professor explained.

Marlene was helped through the metal detector by an airport employee, and soon found herself on the other side of the security barrier, she was soon followed by the rest of her class as well as the two professors.

They walked through the airport to wait for boarding. McGonnagall knew one thing if she knew nothing else, by the end of this trip what sanity she still had after almost seven years with these students would be naught but a long-forgotten memory.

**A/N Review and what not. Oh, and for those of you who also read our story SFN-If you did it, deny it, a new update should be forthcoming within the next few days, do i need a pen name is currently putting the finishing touches on the chapter and then we will be posting. ;)**


	11. Tea Time and Time Changes

**a/n-do i need a pen name would like all of you dear, lovely readers to know that she believes the author's notes for this story are getting entirely too long for her taste, and she is therefore um...going to lose her train of thought as she types...So, not to change the subject or anything, but yay! New Chapter! Read and Review or ELSE! :)**

**Disclaimer-Not that we think you can see us or anything, because that would be really creepy and whatnot, plus we aren't even in the same part of the country anymore, so you'd have to be pretty talented to see us both at the same time anyway, but Who do you think we look like? Certainly not J.K. Rowling.**

**Chapter Eleven-Tea Time and Time Changes**

"Where are you from, dear?" The elderly woman inquired of James.

"HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT JAMES IS A DEER?" Marlene screeched loudly turning in the direction that she knew James to be in.

Remus who was seated in the same row as Marlene and her 'Seeing Eye dog' hurriedly clamped a hand over the girl's mouth. "She means, er, how did you know that James is such a nice, sweet child?" Remus said forcibly stopping himself from rolling his eyes.

He could see McGonagall glancing suspiciously at them from several rows away. Luckily for them, however, muggle transportation (aka-flying in a plane) did not seem to agree with their transfiguration professor because she did not follow through with her suspicions.

"Please, excuse my friend, Marlene, as she is blind she has much better hearing than other people and thus feels the need to shout thinking we can't hear her if she talks quieter." Remus lied politely.

"Oh that poor girl." The old lady replied. A sound that seemed suspiciously like a snort came from Marlene's Seeing Eye dog.

"Anyway," Remus began eager to diffuse the situation. "We're from England, and we're going to Orlando on a school trip." He said in answer to the question she had posed to James.

"That sounds lovely, what are you hoping to learn on this school trip?"

"We are exploring cultural differences." Remus began.

"Yes," Lily agreed from her spot in between James and Dorcas Meadows. "We're going to Disney World, as it is a sight of so much tourism, which will allow us to interact with people from all different states and countries. It is for our Cultural Studies class." She explained.

"It seems you all are learning a great deal." The elderly muggle commended.

"Oh, yes, a great deal." James agreed nodding his head. "Why, words fail to describe how edified I feel." He added innocently.

"That's excellent, dearie." She said reaching across the aisle to pat him on the arm. "I am glad to see young people so concerned with broadening their horizons."

"You have no idea how broad." replied Caradoc Dearborn, who had once been asked by Marlene whether he had ever fed carrots to a deer.

"I'm glad to hear it, dearie, now I will just return to my knitting and leave you young people to talk." She said beaming at all of them and returning to knitting her scarf.

"James a nice, sweet child? Really, Remus, you're slipping if that's the best you can come up with." Lily hissed at her friend.

"Hey!"

"No offense." Lily said kissing her boyfriend lightly on the cheek to make up for it.

"None taken! I could never be upset with you my dear Lily-flower." James replied beaming at the redhead.

"I didn't hear you coming up with anything better." Remus whispered back.

Their argument was put to an abrupt end by Marlene bouncing up and down in her seat and waving her arms in the air. "Stewardess! Hello?" She screeched out.

One of the flight attendants made their way over to her with a long-suffering expression on her face.

"Yes, miss?" She inquired.

"My dog is thirsty." Marlene informed her.

"Is he?" The stewardess inquired as she pondered why she had chosen her career, and willed herself to have patience as she was fairly certain that throttling a blind girl was in fact frowned upon in most societies today.

"Yep." Marlene confirmed. "He would like some coffee!" She continued cheerfully.

The flight attendant looked skeptically at the dog, who, judging by the way his tail was wagging, was just as hyperactive as his owner was.

"No, he would not." Remus proclaimed.

"Yes, he would, I think I know what my darling Snuffles would like," Marlene argued. "Isn't that right, Snuffles?"

Sirius barked in affirmation.

"Told you so." Marlene said gloatingly to Remus.

"Allow me to clarify, no one else on this plane would like either yourself or _Snuffles_, here, to have any caffeine." Remus replied. Remus who was quite immune to Sirius' various array of pleading expressions ignored the literal puppy dog face his friend sent him.

"Perhaps some nice water for your dog?" The stewardess suggested calmly.

"He likes coffee!" Marlene replied.

"Our teacher has expressly forbidden Marlene or-"

"Actually, McGonagall never said Snuffles couldn't have coffee. She said that Sirius could not have coffee, and I don't see Sirius here, do you?" Marlene asked deviously.

"I loathe you." Remus replied darkly.

"I love you, too, Remmie." Marlene replied brightly. "Now about that coffee...?

By the time the flight ended Snuffles had consumed five cups of coffee and was wagging his tail excitedly and voicing his happiness via loud barking, while Marlene laughed gleefully, and Remus hit his head against the seat in front of him.

Needless to say, Professor McGonagall did not approve of any of this, but, alas, she was feeling a bit under the weather due to their mode of transportation. Therefore she was otherwise occupied for the moment. As for the muggle studies professor, who was supposed to be in charge of the students…well, she had taken advantage of her vast knowledge of muggles the second they had gotten to the airport by purchasing a pair of ear plugs, and thus was rather oblivious to the events taking place behind her on the airplane.

However, once they had finally landed in Orlando and Professor McGonagall's feet were firmly on the ground beneath her, she reclaimed control of the group, beginning with Marlene.

"Ms. McKinnon," McGonagall began sternly, "If I am not mistaken, I do believe I have a note from Madame Pomfrey expressly forbidding you to have any coffee until we know what side effects it might have on you due to your recent contact with unknown potion ingredients."

"But Professor," Marlene protested to the wall, at which point Lily kindly turned her around so that she was indeed facing the deputy headmistress. "I didn't drink any of the coffee. It was all for my wonderful Seeing Eye Dog, Snuffles."

McGonagall pursed her lips, but could not find fault with the blind girl's argument. "Well, in that case, please attempt to control the volume of your voice, especially when indoors. Now," Her voice rose here, causing the rest of the muggle studies class, plus the dog at Marlene's feet, to fall silent and turn their attention towards her, "As I'm sure you can tell, we are now in Orlando, Florida. I believe your professor can fill you in more on what we'll be doing. Professor? _Professor_?"

"Oh…um," The muggle studies professor jumped slightly, having been focused more on figuring out just how much more time she would need to spend here, constantly in the company of her students. "Well, it's night, now, so we should probably check into the hotel—"

"OOH!" Marlene interrupted rather louder than necessary. "DO WE GET TO PICK OUR OWN ROOMMATES?"

"Ms. McKinnon!" Professor McGonagall said sternly, her temper rather short after the long flight. "Must I treat you like a little child? Please use your indoor voice."

At this, Marlene stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. Seeing her forlorn expression, Snuffles nudged her dangling hand with his nose. Marlene's face immediately lit up as she scratched behind his ears.

"Anyway," The muggle studies professor continued, "After we check into the hotel, you and your assigned roommate shall proceed to your room where you will go to sleep."

"But professor, it's only just tea time!" Benjy protested, catching sight of the clock on the wall behind the professor. "It isn't night at all."

"I can't go to sleep if I haven't had my tea!" Emmeline stated. "That's just preposterous."

"Ah…due to the time difference between London and Orlando, it is in fact tea time here." The muggle studies professor said hurriedly. "I'm sure once we get to the hotel, anyone who would like to can have as much tea as they would like."

"Non-caffeinated tea." Professor McGonagall quickly amended. "Also, so that everyone gets up at the appropriate time tomorrow morning, you all need to be in bed by nine o'clock, which is in five hours."

"But how is nine o'clock in five hours if it's night right now?" James asked, confused, causing Remus to shake his head in disbelief while covering his face with his hands.

McGonagall sighed wearily; she could already feel her patience thinning. "There is a time difference between London and Orlando, Mr. Potter. It would be nine p.m. right now if we were in London, but we are in fact in Orlando, Florida and it is therefore only four o'clock in the afternoon, or, as was already made clear, tea time.

"So we didn't miss dinner?" James clarified.

"What are the room assignments?" McGonagall demanded, rounding on the muggle studies professor, and thus ending her oh so delightful conversation with James.

"Erm…" Was the response and the hassled-looking professor rummaged around in her bag. Finally her fingers grasped the elusive piece of parchment with room assignments written upon it. "The room assignments are as follows and cannot be switched under any circumstances: Bones and Vance, McKinnon and Meadows, Evans and Ms. Alice Prewett, Potter and Lupin, Dearborn and Diggle, Fenwick and Longbottom, and Mr. Fabian Prewett with Mr. Gideon Prewett."

"I was worried she was going to split us up again." Fabian muttered to his twin.

"Worst trip to a muggle toy store _ever_." Gideon agreed.

"Now that that's all settled, can we all please get moving?" The muggle studies professor asked. "I need a drink."

"Professor!" McGonagall exclaimed, scandalized.

"Oh…um…I meant a drink of tea?" The other professor offered, causing Marlene's Seeing Eye dog to give a snort that would have sounded suspiciously like laughter if he was human, but of course he's just a dog. Really.

McGonagall pursed her lips but said nothing more on the matter, because she was quite in agreement with her fellow educator of young miscreants—_ahem_, students.


	12. Broken Bones and Bruises

**a/n-do i need a pen name would just like to state, for the record, that she was mortified to see that it has been almost an entire year since the last update. Yeah, our bad...We'd say don't worry it'll get better, but...yeah, summer's almost over and that means the start of school again, so no promises. We do promise, however, that this story will one day have an end. Many, many, many years (or quite possibly decades) from now.**

**Disclaimer-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, it's just...you really thought that WE were J.K. Rowling? We're honored, really, but we also think you're clearly delusional, hate to break it to you.**

**Chapter Twelve—Broken Bones and Bruises**

Dorcas was used to being the one to always wake Marlene up, as the latter was by no means fond of mornings, to say the least. However, strangely enough, that first morning in Florida, it was Dorcas who was woken up by her best friend and her best friend's…er…dog? Of course, saying that they 'woke Dorcas up' was the nice way of putting it, as they did this by pouncing on her and repeatedly hitting her with a pillow.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Dorcas exclaimed once she managed to take in some air, as all of the oxygen had previously been forcibly expelled from her lungs when the pair had pounced on her ribs. She continued without waiting for a reply, "Now get off of me. Immediately."

Sirius transformed back from his dog form, and he and Marlene removed themselves from Dorcas.

"We were just trying to wake you up!" Marlene exclaimed. "Sirius woke me up already, so I thought you should share in the joy. Isn't morning a wonderful thing?"

"You're sleeping your life away!" Sirius exclaimed. "We need to go and explore!"

"OH AND GUESS WHAT DORCA?"

"…what?" Dorcas asked with muted enthusiasm. So muted, in fact, that it was quite possibly nonexistant.

"I CAN SEE!"

"It's a miracle." Dorcas said dryly, once again very easily containing her enthusiasm.

"And now of course she has no use for a seeing eye-dog, so she passed him onto a blind person she met yesterday evening, and while you all were out celebrating her vision, you happened to stumble upon my wonderful self. Miraculously," Sirius stated, as if he was trying to convince Dorcas that these events had, in fact ocurred sometime in the very recent past.

"We are going to get _so_ many detentions for this."

"YES! We are moving toward a new and greater record, and I will get the most detentions out of everyone, thus moving me one step closer to my ultimate goal of defeating James for most detentions ever!" Sirius exclaimed enthusiastically.

"You sicken me." Dorcas replied. "Now if you would be so kind as to shut up so that I can properly wake up."

"Sure, sure, seeing as how Marly and I have been ready for ages, and ages already, we will leave you to get dressed and we'll go get COFFEE." Sirius exclaimed.

"No." Dorcas said flatly. "You and Marlene will go directly—listen _very_ carefully—_directly_ to James and Remus' room, and you will stay under their supervision until such time as we _all_ go down to breakfast _together_ and figure out how to present Sirius' presence in the best possible light. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." Sirius and Marlene chanted giving her a military salute and standing at attention.

"I hate you all," Dorcas moaned by way of reply, kicking her blankets off and standing up.

"Uh-huh." The mumbled disbelievingly as they left the room in search of new people to torment, which if Dorcas had anything to say about it had better be limited to just Remus and James because that was where she had expressly instructed them to go.

Dorcas headed over to Remus' suite thirty minutes later to find him looking distinctly frazzled. Marlene, James, and Sirius were jumping in between the two twin beds, and yelling loudly, something about pixie dust, making Remus really regret having ever introduced them to Peter Pan. Dorcas was not convinced that Sirius and Marlene had absolutely no caffeine in their systems, to say the least.

She also felt certain that at any moment one of them would attempt flying and break a few limbs…probably Marlene.

Just as the thought crossed her mind, she was greeted with the image of Marlene spotting her and waving brightly, only to get distracted, thus tangling her foot in the sheets and falling forward, tumbling off the bed.

Sirius and James immediately jumped down and crowded around her.

"Mars?"

"Marlene?"

"Uhm, I think I broke something." Marlene said pitifully, indicating her collarbone which now stuck out at an odd angle.

"You are absurd." Dorcas pronounced, kneeling next to her best friend. "Okay, well, I think we're going to have to go see McGonagall because collar bones are slightly beyond my expertise."

Dorcas aspired to be a Healer for St. Mungo's one day, owing mostly to her many years of expertise in healing all of Marlene's many cuts and bruises, as the redhead wasn't always the most coordinated of people.

Sirius and James helped Marlene to her feet and led the way out the door and down the hall to McGonagall's room where they proceeded to bang loudly on her door.

"What is going on here?" McGonagall exclaimed opening her door to find the crowd assembled outside. She, fortunately, was already dressed for the day. After several years of exciting Quidditch wins and their accompanying after parties, the assembled Gryffindors had seen more than their fair share of the Deputy Headmistriss in her tartan dressing gown.

"Well, I have good news and bad news professor," Marlene said weakly. "I can see again! Which is the good news, the bad news is I broke my collar bone." She was leaning heavily against Sirius as she said this.

"Do you think you can fix it?" James inquired, attempting to remain calm. After all, there was a Quidditch match the following weekend and it would damage Gryffindor's chances for the Cup if one of their star beaters was out with an injured collar bone.

"Of course, of course." McGonagall replied. "I suppose you lot were doing something stupid again, is that correct?"

"Yes." Dorcas replied immediately. "They were jumping on the bed."

McGonagall tutted and tapped Marlene's broken collar bone sharply with her wand, murmuring a spell as she did so. The bone immediately knit back together.

It was then that McGonagall seemed to take notice of Sirius for the first time. "What on earth are _you_ doing here, Mr. Black?"

"Uhm, learning?" Sirius ventured.

"You were expressly forbidden from attending this field trip." McGonagall said sternly, frowning at the dark-haired boy.

"My parents had a change of heart?" Sirius offered weakly.

"Your parents don't have hearts, what kind of excuse is that?" Marlene hissed.

McGonagall seemed to be moved to sympathy as she had always (secretly) felt rather protective of Sirius due to his home life, so she let out a resigned sigh.

"I suppose there is no helping it, you will have to stay," She said with a heavy sigh, already regretting this decision.

"YAY!" Marlene exclaimed loudly, squeezing Sirius tightly in a hug.

"Now all of you get out of my room," McGonagall commanded, ushering them to the door.

As they walked down the hallway James' face lit up in a decidedly evil grin as realization dawned on him. "I was just thinking, Sirius…since you were a dog last night, where precisely did you sleep?"

"I refuse to answer that," Sirius proclaimed immediately.

"Is it because you slept with Marlene?" James questioned innocently.

Both Sirius and Marlene flushed a deep red.

"Shut up, James," They said in unison.

"It was just a question!" James protested. Then, quietly, "One that I think we all know the answer to, now."

"I simply will not stand for any of this nonsense anymore," Marlene stated imperiously, sounding just a bit too much like the Deputy Headmistriss for James' liking at this hour of day. "I'm going to go down to breakfast and find the coffee."

And without another word, she grabbed Sirius' hand and the pair took off running down the hall. At this point, Dorcas rounded on James, knowing that there was no hope of catching Sirius and Marlene when they were on a mission to find their favorite caffeinated beverage. Also, Dorcas sometimes liked to pretend that she didn't know the two of them when they had coffee in their systems, especially in public places. So clearly James was the better target right now.

"This is your fault," She stated vehemently, poking him sharply in the chest with each word. "You've driven the two of them to go drown themselves in coffee with your completely accurate assumptions of last night's sleeping arrangement!"

"I knew I was right!" James exclaimed triumphantly, backing away from the blonde-haired girl as he spoke. Then, "And _ow_! Moony, keep your girlfriend away from me. Your fingers are too pointy, Dorc. I think I'm going to have a bruise…"

Remus sighed in a resigned manner as James attempted to see down the front of his shirt to see if there was indeed a bruise forming there, which Remus doubted there was.

"Let's just go get some breakfast, Dorcas," Remus said, snatching Dorcas hand just as she was about to poke James again while he was otherwise distracted. "Now that we know that Sirius and Marlene are going to be distracted by their major achievement of finally getting some coffee, we'll be able to sneak in and hopefully sit on the other side of the room without them noticing."

"Hmm…that does sound like a good plan," Dorcas said thoughtfully, allowing herself to be tugged down the hall and away from James. "We'll see you later, James."

James just waved his hand in a noncommital way in their general direction, still attempting to see the spot where Dorcas had poked him. He needed to go find Lily; she'd be able to find the bruise for him, he was sure.


	13. Secrets and Spies

**disclaimer-We've recently decided to branch out and become co-owners of the Honey Sweet Corporation. As such, we own Honeykings and Honeyqueens (Honeybarons coming soon!). Sadly, however, we do not own Honeydukes. Or, in general, Harry Potter. 'Tis a sad day indeed.**

**Chapter Thirteen—Secrets and Spies**

Dorcas Meadowes was by no means a pessimistic person, far from it, in fact. However, she also wasn't the world's most optimistic person, either. Indeed, it was quite hard to be optimistic when your best friend happened to be one Marlene McKinnon. That isn't to say that Dorcas didn't positively adore her best friend, because she did. It was just…Marlene could be a bit…_much_ at times, especially when the tiny redhead was running solely on caffeine, which happened to be the case far too often for Dorcas' liking.

And this was why Dorcas couldn't help but let her optimistic side take over one Thursday morning, towards the beginning of November. After being woken up by Marlene jumping on her, having to take Marlene to Professor McGonagall to heal her broken collar bone, and having Marlene run off on a mad search for coffee with Sirius, Dorcas couldn't help but optimistically begin to believe in miracles when she and Remus successfully snuck into the large breakfast room in the hotel, unnoticed by both Marlene and Sirius. That isn't to say of course that Dorcas wouldn't have positively _loved _to have eaten breakfast with her best friend and Sirius. It's just…she also knew that it was best to take breaks from those two whenever possible, especially in public places where they were prone to cause mass chaos with barely any effort at all.

So, in short, Dorcas was quite happy to be enjoying a nice, quiet, peaceful breakfast with just Remus on their first morning in Florida.

If Dorcas hadn't been neglecting her pessimistic side, however, she would have known that it was too good to last.

"Oi! Dorcas! Moony! Where are you?" A loud voice yelled, causing a majority of the occupants in the room to turn to the entrance, where James was standing, Lily slightly behind him, shaking her head with a bemused expression on her face.

"PRONGS!" Sirius hollered from the other side of the room. "YOU AND MRS. PRONGS SHOULD COME SIT WITH ME AND MARS!"

"OK! JUST LET ME FIND MOONY AND DORCAS FIRST!" James hollered back. "I PROMISED DORCAS I WOULD SEE HER LATER AT BREAKFAST!"

At this point, Lily smacked James' arm lightly. "'Mrs. Prongs'?" She questioned lightly, though there was a gleam in her eyes that made James slightly afraid for his life.

"Ah…yes…" James said slowly. "You see…er…I do believe Sirius has already ingested more than his fair share of coffee already this morning, so he—and more importantly _I_—can't really be held accountable for anything he says, or calls anyone."

"I see…" Lily said slowly, still with that look in her eyes. Then, a giant grin lit up her face and she grabbed James' hand. "Shall we go join them for some breakfast, then?"

Meanwhile, whilst James and Sirius had been having a lovely conversation with each other across the room, Marlene had been busy scanning the room in search of her best friend and the sandy-haired boy who always seemed to be her constant companion when she wasn't with Marlene. It was as Lily and James were beginning their own _ahem_ conversation, that she finally spotted them. And, of course, now that she knew they were in fact in the room, she had no choice but to invite them to join her and Sirius at their table.

"DORCA!" Marlene practically screamed, causing Dorcas' shoulders to slump in defeat. So much for going under the radar… "YOU AND MOONY SHOULD COME SIT WITH US!"

"Maybe they'll be quieter if we join them?" Remus suggested in such a way that Dorcas knew that he didn't even believe himself.

"The peace was nice while it lasted," Dorcas said by way of reply.

Much to Dorcas, Remus, and Lily's immense surprise, the meal did proceed in quieter tones once all six of them were settled at the table with food on their plates. Although, this might have had more to do with the fact that Professor McGonagall had entered the room shortly thereafter, with their muggle studies professor trailing not far behind. The aforementioned muggle studies had a rather hopeful expression on her face, but it quickly disappeared once her eyes alighted on the table containing Sirius. So McGonagall _had_ been telling the truth after all…

Remus was in the midst of a discussion with Lily about an upcoming exam they had in Ancient Runes when James suddenly dropped his fork and pointed at the sandy-haired boy.

"You!" He exclaimed, looking as if he had just had an epiphany.

"Me?" Remus questioned, pausing mid-sentence in his conversation with Lily.

"And you!" James pointed at Dorcas now.

"We have names, James," Dorcas said patiently.

"Hehe, and you rhyme, Dorca," Marlene said with an overly cheerful giggle, causing Sirius to start giggling as well. Dorcas _knew_ she should have chased after them earlier to make sure they didn't get any caffeine... Oh well, too late now.

"But…you-Moony!" James exclaimed. "You two! Neither of you denied it! That means I was right!"

"Right about what?" Dorcas questioned, more than a tad confused at this point.

"James, dear, are you alright?" Lily asked, concerned about her boyfriend. James, for once in his life, ignored her in favor of answering Dorcas' question.

"You and Moony!" James said triumphantly. "You're…_dating_."

Remus choked on the bite of scrambled egg that he had just taken while Sirius spit out his coffee (thankfully missing everyone).

"What?" Sirius yelped while Marlene was staring at her best friend in shock. "Moony and Dorcas? Dating? What are you talking about, Prongs?"

"And how could you not tell me about this?" Marlene demanded, directing her question at the blonde girl across from her. "Since when have you been dating Moony, Dorca?"

Remus and Dorcas did not answer immediately, preferring the deer-in-headlights look over verbal communication.

"Never mind that for a moment," Lily said, "How was _James_, of all people, the one to figure it out?"

"You wound me, Lilyflower," James announced dramatically. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to do that anymore? And besides, it was fairly simple to figure out. They're Remus and Dorcas. _Obviously_ they're meant to be together."

"That _is_ pretty much a given," Sirius agreed.

"But how did you _know_, James?" Marlene pressed. "Other than the obvious that they're meant to be together—and honestly, you two, don't even try to ever deny that. Your mutual—and crazed—love of sarcasm alone makes you perfect for each other."

"Well," James said slowly, drawing out the monosyllabic word as long as possible before continuing, "After the simply charming discussion we had this morning about yours and Sirius' sleeping arrangements last night, Dorcas took it upon herself to physically assault me and I may have referred to her as Moony's girlfriend, which I only just realized that he never denied. Therefore, they really are dating."

At this (not entirely sound) logic, the thus far silent couple, practically as one, let out sighs of defeat.

"You were bound to find out eventually," Remus admitted. "I mean—we were going to tell you…when we got around to it. I guess we've been talking about it so much lately, that I didn't even register that James referred to Dorcas as my girlfriend earlier. Also, just for the record, I'm pretty sure poking someone doesn't fall into any category of physical assault, James."

"You were going to tell us eventually?" Lily repeated, drowning out James' protests. "How long have the pair of you been dating?"

"A while," Dorcas said with a shrug, taking a sip of her orange juice.

"How long is 'a while'?" Marlene asked suspiciously.

"A year and a half?" Dorcas looked to Remus for confirmation, who nodded his agreement.

Once again, they were all greeted with the oh-so-wonderful sight of Sirius spitting out his coffee.

"And you're only just telling me, your best friend in the entire world, now?" Marlene demanded at the same time Lily incredulously questioned, "That long?"

"Oh come off it, you lot. Did you honestly think we were always studying when we 'went to the library?' How much studying do you think two people need to do?" Remus asked.

"You lied to us?" Sirius asked incredulously. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Moony! Clearly we can't be friends anymore."

"What a tragedy," Remus replied dryly. "Somehow, I have a feeling that you'll get over it. And before we know it, you'll be bouncing around, completely high off of the sugar and caffeine that you'll inevitably sneak in under my nose."

"Hmm…" Came Sirius' thoughtful response. He turned to Marlene. "Mars, do you suppose Moony is a Seer?"

"I think it would be awfully nice if he was," Marlene replied. "Because then it means that all of our future endeavors to sneak in contraband will be successful! Honestly Moony, finding this out about you is almost worth you and Dorca being so dreadful and secretive."

"You two are hopeless," Remus declared, slumping against the table—an action that was both a result of his ongoing despair over Marlene and Sirius in general and also the fact that he was quite tired as the aforementioned pair had disturbed his slumber so rudely that morning. Dorcas patted him consolingly on the shoulder.

"Do you think he's broken?" James asked with visible concern, when Remus made no move to sit up again. "Because, personally, I'd love to take advantage of his Seer abilities to find out if Gryffindor is going to dominate at Quidditch once again this year and thus win the House Cup."

Lily merely rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "Hopeless…all of you…"

"But that's why you love me, right?" James asked, grinning brightly at her.

"That's really not the point here," Marlene cut in, preventing any reply Lily may have had to that query. "The point," She said pointedly, "Is that Moony may in fact be broken. What on earth are we going to do now?"

"Chocolate," Sirius said immediately. "Duh. According to Moony, chocolate fixes just about everything. Obviously it will work now."

"An excellent suggestion," James stated. "Anyone know where the nearest Honeydukes is?"

"…No," Marlene said shortly. "This could be a problem."

"Clearly we need to find a map," Sirius said decisively.

"Um…you guys?" Lily interrupted them at this point.

"Yes, my dearest Lilyflower?" James asked.

"You do realize there's only one Honeydukes, right?" She asked. "I mean, yeah, there are also Honeykings and Honeyqueens, which are owned by the cousins of Mr. and Mrs. Honeyduke. But they're all in Great Britain. We're in America, remember? And muggle America at that. If you're really set on this plan, you're going to have to find some other kind of chocolate.'

"WHAT?" Remus was sitting fully upright once more. "'Some other type of chocolate?'—What kind of barbaric place _is_ this?"

"Huh, you know," Sirius said thoughtfully. "I think we fixed him. I guess chocolate does have some magical healing properties that only Moony knows about if merely discussing the chocolate food group makes him better."

At this point, Dorcas and Lily exchanged glances that indicated just how much they agreed that all of their friends and/or significant others had lost it. Clearly time changes weren't good for any of them.

"I think it's about time we got going," Dorcas said swiftly, pushing her chair back from the table and standing up, Lily following close behind. "I'm sure it's almost time to be meeting the professors before we head out for the day."

"Yes, yes it is," Lily jumped in. "Let's just…let's go."

Five minutes later the six seventh years were all making their way out of the breakfast room. It was just as they reached the exit that a trio of girls, who all appeared to be about the same age as them, arrived there, too.

"Oh, hello," the lone brunette of the group said, stopping just short of the door. She gestured for them to go through it first. "You can go ahead."

"That's quite alright," Remus said politely, having recovered from his brief bout of insanity of just a few moments previously. "You can go first."

The brunette smiled widely at him. "Thank you," She said.

To the surprise of the Hogwarts students, the three girls stayed with them as they walked down the hallway to the hotel lobby.

"So," The brunette continued speaking, "Are you here on a school trip?"

"Yes, we are," Remus answered politely, while Sirius and Marlene (still more than slightly high on their contraband caffeine) gave her suspicious looks.

"That's so cool," The girl continued. She indicated herself and her two friends, "So are we. Where are you from?"

"We're all from England, but our school is in Scotland," Remus explained. "Where are you from?"

"Salem," The girl replied promptly. "Oh, and my name is Cecilia. And these are my friends Paige and Natalie."

"I'm Remus," the sandy-haired boy responded. "And this is Sirius, Marlene, James, Lily, and Dorcas."

"It's nice to meet all of you," Natalie said with a small smile.

"You too," Lily replied with a smile of her own. "So where are you headed for your trip?"

"Disney World," Paige stated. "It's for our Cultures of the World class."

"That's us as well, actually," Lily said.

"No it isn't," Sirius protested immediately, looking confused. "It's for Mug—_oof_!"

Lily had elbowed him sharply in the side. "Ignore him. He just gets confused because we're here with our…er…our music profess—teacher as well as our Cultural Studies teacher."

Cecilia nodded in understanding just as the group finally entered the lobby. "So, not to change the subject completely or sound like we're totally stalking you or anything, but before, in the breakfast room, we kind of caught snatches of your conversation and…well, did you say something about Honeydukes chocolate?"

"No. No, of course not," Remus said immediately, looking slightly alarmed. "We weren't talking about chocolate at all, in fact. Nope, can't stand the stuff."

"But Moony…" Sirius began slowly. "You love chocolate. Are you feeling funny again?"

"Oh...er…" Remus scrambled frantically to try and come up with something to say. "Right, we were talking about chocolate. But I didn't say anything about Honey—what was it? 'Honeybaron?' Nope. I said Hershey's. Yep, that's my favorite kind of chocolate. I really just can't get enough of it. Well, I see our professor over there so we'll be going now. Bye."

And without another word, he hurried over to where the two professors plus a handful of their classmates were all standing on the other side of the room, the other five hurrying after him following their own rushed goodbyes.

"There was something suspicious about that girl," Marlene said immediately, once the six of them had regrouped. "She was asking too many questions."

"Maybe she was just being friendly," Dorcas offered.

"But then _why_ did she want to know about Honeydukes?" Sirius questioned. "Clearly she's a spy."

"Okay then…" Remus said in a tone that indicated he agreed with anything but Sirius' assessment of the situation. "Either way, we're going to have to be more careful from now on."

"Remus is right," Lily agreed. "Not that it has really been any different on any of our other field trips, but we're completely surrounded by muggles now, and we're going to be here for more than just a few hours. I'm pretty sure the whole point of these trips is to gain a better understanding of the muggle world, so that means we shouldn't constantly be discussing the wizarding world."

"Wait…" James said slowly, "There's actually a point to these field trips? I thought our dear Muggle Studies professor simply wanted an excuse to spend as much time with us as possible."

Remus rolled his eyes at his friend as the aforementioned Muggle Studies professor attempted to call their group to order. "Let's just go see what she has to say. The sooner we can lose you in the crowded park"—Lily glared at him, "_Ahem_, I meant the sooner we can get to Disney World and interact with a variety of people and explore all of their many cultural differences, thus fulfilling our actual purpose for being here, the better."

"That's what I thought," Lily said succinctly. "But you're right, let's go."


End file.
